Monday Weigh In... ARGH

For the first time since I've started my journey, I posted a gain for the week... 3 pounds... Argh.

I honestly can't say that I'm in the least bit shocked. Looking back on the week in MFP, I ate like shit crap. Yeah, it was that bad. Last week may have been one of the most stressful weeks of my life (more stressful than the week that I turned 21 and had two 20+ page papers due, one being the research project for my English minor). I will get into the reasons behind the stress later in the post. I promised an explaination on Friday, so I will deliver.

What do I do when I stress? I eat. While I feel like I had some really good restraint last week, it wasn't enough to post a loss. I had an ice cream sundae 2 days in a row last week. 2 sundaes in 2 days. O_O. Have I mentioned that I'm lactose intolerant and trying to cut way back on my sugar intake?? While I didn't binge on everything I wanted, I did eat EVERYTHING I wanted (in moderation). I'm not ashamed. I'm not discouraged. I'm human. Humans make mistakes. Humans set themselves up for failure. Humans have the ability to pick themselves up and try again. That's my goal for this week. It's time to refocus.

I will say that, mentally I am in a much better place today than I was a week ago. The stress has been lifted off of my shoulders completely. While I still feel some residual sadness, I am much better.

The reasons for my stress and sadness... Here we go... My fiance and I broke up on Saturday night. It was a mutual decision. We felt that we have been growning apart as of late and that we needed to step back and grow up a little. He and I are still friends. I'm giving him all the space he needs to heal. I have been stressed because in my mind, I knew that our relationship was ending. I didn't know how I was going breech the subject with him or how the conversation was going to go. I was so afraid.

I don't like to see people hurt. My top strength (according to StrengthsQuest) is Empathy. I can actually physically feel other's pain. It's even worse when I know that I am the sole cause of the pain. I can tell the moods of people when I walk into a room. The better I know you, the better I am at sensing a problem. My family calls it my sixth sense. I've also been known to bring a calm wave over a person by just being around them. Several of the people I've dated have been very nervous or volatile people. They said being around me is better than any medications or breathing exercises. This is a big responsibility for me, knowing that I can be such a source of good feelings. The mere thought of hurting someone nearly sends me into full on panic attacks.

All last week, Friday especially, the thoughts of having the conversation with my now ex would send me into panic mode. Heart racing, tears, dizziness, I was a mess. Thankfully the conversation went much smoother that I expected. He agreed with me and we made the decision to end things. I still feel bad about hurting him, but I know in my heart that we made the right decision. There is always a possibility of reconciliation, but I'm no where near ready to try that. I need some time to decide exactly who Sammie is and what she stands for.

Thanks to everyone who sent thoughts, prayers, and vibes my way. I appreciate every single one of them. I would not have made it through the weekend without the kind words and emails of my readers. Thank you so much.. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.