Monday Weigh In and Easter Reflections

Good morning darlings! I hope you all had a FANTASTIC Easter weekend :) I got to spend lots of time with my family. The food was amazing (of course) and I ate a ton of veggies. Woot woot! I also got 2 good C25K runs in this weekend! One on Friday night and one last night. My water intake has been the suck as of late. Not a pretty picture..

So.. As always, it's my Monday morning weigh in!! Yeah buddy! I was really anxious last night about weighing in today. I worked my butt off last week and was really hoping to have some success to show for the effort... And boy did I!! Not only did I drop the 3 pounds that I gained, but I dropped 6 additional pounds!! 6!!

YES! Almost in the 250s!!!

This brings me to a total of 30 pounds gone! 30!! Holy cow!

I'm excited! 30 pounds... I never ever thought I could do that..I haven't taken any pictures yet, but maybe today. I finally got a new mirror for my bedroom, so I can see.. I'll do a before and after in the same outfit, just to look at progress.

Part of my post today is Easter reflections... Sundays are a little rough for me.. Sundays were the days that I would always spend the day with James. Now that we aren't together, I haven't been keeping the routine. It's difficult. Very difficult. I haven't established a routine for myself on Sundays yet, so the sadness seems to be able to whack me over the head when I least expect it.

It's more of a loneliness than a sadness I suppose. I surround myself with amazing friends and my supportive family, but sometimes it's not enough. I miss the companionship that comes with being in a relationship. However, I have no immediate plans to be in a relationship any time soon. It's time to focus on me. I need to be a little selfish at the moment and learn to love myself. How can I love others if I don't first love myself?

I've never been a relationship jumper... I had a string of short term BFs in High School, then I was single for 3-ish years. Then I started dating the butt and was engaged to him for nearly 4 years. Broke that off, single for a few months then started dating James. Broke that off about 1.5 years into it. It seems that in my adult life, I'm tunring into one of those jumpers. I don't want to. I don't want to jump. I want to be happy and single and not have to share my blankets or worry about someone other than Molly. I don't want to be tied down to one person right now. I want to date, meet people, go out and shamelessly flirt, shamelessly flirt with the AV maintenance guy that visits me in the library. I love being single...

At least he won't steal my blankets... Bastard...

But I miss it... I miss the attachment. I miss the feeling of closeness. I miss having someone to harrass at all uungodly hours of the day and night. Sure, I have friends. I have the greatest friends on the face of the planet. I constantly talk to them. Hell I'm sure there are days that they want me to STFU and GTFO. It's different though. Having a significant other is different than just having a friend.

It really sounds like I want to have my cake and eat it too... (Tangent: Who in the hell came up with that saying?? Doesn't it make sense to eat cake if you have it?? Who wants cake to go stale? What am I supposed to do with the cake? Look at it? Seriously...) I want the security of a relationship with the freedom of singledom. I'm a complicated woman...

Spring Training 5K Link Up Hotness

Good morning my sweet loves! It's Tuesday and I'm in a good FAN-FREAKIN-TASTIC mood!! Seriously... I'm pretty sure nothing can bring me down today, except maybe the fact that I'm a dunce and forgot to pack my lunch... Doh! Also forgot to eat breakfast... OH WELL!! RED HAIR DON'T CARE!!!

Not really sure where this high is coming from. It's colder than balls, I'm hungry as crap, I didn't get much sleep last night, my workout last night was shameful at best, and I figured out way too late that you can see my new bra through my shirt this morning. My attitude is completely positive today.  Most mornings the above list would send my day straight down the pooper. Not today my loves!

What have I done for spring training? It's called making due with what I have! My birthday is coming up next month, and the one thing I've asked for is a new pair of running shoes. My ankles have been KILLING me during my runs. Terribly killing me. Like make me stop working hurt. I know I have weak ankles.

Luckily I also have a mother that dabbles in sports medicine! She's a paramedic and knows her way around joints, bones, and soft tissue injuries. To prevent the ankle pain, Mom has started using Coban to wrap my ankles. Coban is that stretchy stuff that they use to pressure wrap when someone donates blood. It's also commonly used on horses. Now it's used on Sammies! With the ankle wraps, I've been able to run without new shoes. I look forward to getting new ones, but it's just not financially feasible at this point in time.

Also loving that the coban comes in prints! Hello pink zebra!

I did make an investment for my fitness goals this week! I run in either basketball shorts or yoga pants. Neither of which are iPhone friendly when it comes to workouts. I bought this nifty little arm band to wear... It makes me feel like a real runner! Nerdy? Yep. Don't care!

$18 at Academy! Woot!

The picture below sums up my feelings about life in general right now. Be someone that makes you happy. It's ok to be a little selfish every once in a while. You may just find that what you think is a selfish act now, turns out to be completely selfless in the long run. Think about it :)

Until next time blogosphere!! Stay sane ;)

-Sammie

Monday Weigh In... ARGH

For the first time since I've started my journey, I posted a gain for the week... 3 pounds... Argh.

I honestly can't say that I'm in the least bit shocked. Looking back on the week in MFP, I ate like shit crap. Yeah, it was that bad. Last week may have been one of the most stressful weeks of my life (more stressful than the week that I turned 21 and had two 20+ page papers due, one being the research project for my English minor). I will get into the reasons behind the stress later in the post. I promised an explaination on Friday, so I will deliver.

What do I do when I stress? I eat. While I feel like I had some really good restraint last week, it wasn't enough to post a loss. I had an ice cream sundae 2 days in a row last week. 2 sundaes in 2 days. O_O. Have I mentioned that I'm lactose intolerant and trying to cut way back on my sugar intake?? While I didn't binge on everything I wanted, I did eat EVERYTHING I wanted (in moderation). I'm not ashamed. I'm not discouraged. I'm human. Humans make mistakes. Humans set themselves up for failure. Humans have the ability to pick themselves up and try again. That's my goal for this week. It's time to refocus.

I will say that, mentally I am in a much better place today than I was a week ago. The stress has been lifted off of my shoulders completely. While I still feel some residual sadness, I am much better.

The reasons for my stress and sadness... Here we go... My fiance and I broke up on Saturday night. It was a mutual decision. We felt that we have been growning apart as of late and that we needed to step back and grow up a little. He and I are still friends. I'm giving him all the space he needs to heal. I have been stressed because in my mind, I knew that our relationship was ending. I didn't know how I was going breech the subject with him or how the conversation was going to go. I was so afraid.

I don't like to see people hurt. My top strength (according to StrengthsQuest) is Empathy. I can actually physically feel other's pain. It's even worse when I know that I am the sole cause of the pain. I can tell the moods of people when I walk into a room. The better I know you, the better I am at sensing a problem. My family calls it my sixth sense. I've also been known to bring a calm wave over a person by just being around them. Several of the people I've dated have been very nervous or volatile people. They said being around me is better than any medications or breathing exercises. This is a big responsibility for me, knowing that I can be such a source of good feelings. The mere thought of hurting someone nearly sends me into full on panic attacks.

All last week, Friday especially, the thoughts of having the conversation with my now ex would send me into panic mode. Heart racing, tears, dizziness, I was a mess. Thankfully the conversation went much smoother that I expected. He agreed with me and we made the decision to end things. I still feel bad about hurting him, but I know in my heart that we made the right decision. There is always a possibility of reconciliation, but I'm no where near ready to try that. I need some time to decide exactly who Sammie is and what she stands for.

Thanks to everyone who sent thoughts, prayers, and vibes my way. I appreciate every single one of them. I would not have made it through the weekend without the kind words and emails of my readers. Thank you so much.. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

It's all in your head!

It's all in me 'ead! IT'S ALL IN ME 'EAD!!!

Ok... So I don't have the awesome accent to say it like the cute little farmer guy on Chicken Run. Oh well. I promised a post about this topic last weekend, and let's just say that life happened.

I have a bit of a....quirky..... relationship with food. It's not as terrible as some stories I've read, but it's not super healthy. Like most girls women I know, I get the typical cravings when my Aunt Irma is coming to visit (along with water retention and at least one zit somewhere on my face).

When I was growing up, I was taught to clean my plate. Eat all the food on my plate, because there are starving children all over the world who would kill to eat like you do. I was also taught that it's quite rude to turn anything down that is offered to you. "Oh! You want me to eat this cake and that ice cream and then pizza as a snack?! OK!"

This is still a mindset that I struggle with.... To.This.Day. I no longer feel bad turning food down from people. Shockingly enough, people won't like you any less for saying no thanks to cupcakes. Who knew?! Leaving food on my plate or the table, however, is an entirely different story.

Pizza (along with Chick Fil A) is my complete undoing... Pizza more so than the other... I love pizza. I could eat pizza daily, 3 times a day. Pizza is the food of the gods... NOM NOM NOM.

I had something really scary happen to me a couple weekends ago. James and I went to Pizza Hut for dinner on a Sunday evening. We ordered a medium thin crust meat lovers and a small order of cheese bread. We both ate 2 peices of cheese bread and 2 slices of pizza... Leaving half the pizza to be put in a box and taken home. We were both satisfied at this point and decided that we wouldn't be eating anymore. We sat there sipping water and something very scary happened to me..

I wanted to finish the pizza... At one point in my life, I would have finished the pizza. I told myself, "No.. This is just a craving. You aren't really hungry. Do not eat the pizza." I broke out into a cold sweat, my heart starting racing and I started hyperventilating. I had a freakin panic attack over not finishing the pizza.

I've had panic attacks before.. I'm not stranger to them. But let me tell you.... That one was by far the scariest for me. I've never had a panic attack over denying myself food. I didn't need it! I wasn't hungry! Yeah... Tell that to my hyperactive brain...

Then another day this week, Mom and I brought home Papa Murphy's pizza.. I was good and ate 3 pieces and stopped... But I could NOT put it away. I'm the person that puts food away and sneaks bites off the spoon or whatever while I'm taking care of the leftovers. Thankfully Mom saw that I was struggling and put the food away without help.

The biggest part of my struggle with my weight is all in my head. It's a mental game. I have to outsmart myself and not give in to the random cravings I have.

It's all in me 'ead... It's all in me 'ead..

Quitcherbitchin

I'm feeling particularly snarky today. I'm not really sure why. There are some happenings in my personal life that have me all wonky/insane in the membrane, but I'm not going to bore you with those dramatic details.

One of the things that I noticed while running last night is the source of my bitchin' post today. (And that's a "complaining" bitchin' not an "awesome" bitchin').



See? I'm dead sexy in red :)



Please Note:

Normally I love my boobs... They are pretty awesome and I can RAWK damn near anything I choose. No, I don't want to give you some. No, I don't have plenty to spare. YOU CAN'T HAVE MY TITS! Today, however, I'm not loving my ta-tas. I want them to shrink. I want to not hurt my back when I run. I want to not hear all the stupid ass black eye jokes from members of the itty bitty titty committee. I just want regular bewbs today... Just for today. This rant does not express my ongoing opinion of my body image. Just for today I'm bitchy.

Busty girls... Raise your hands high in the air. Don't wave your hands too much, you might get whiplash from the jiggles. I'm talking to you my dear busty ladies.

Why in the hell don't they make DECENT/AFFORDABLE sports bras for the chest-tacular masses ::snort::. (Be prepared for plenty of puns!)

I'm sorry... I'm poor... Broke as a joke on crack... My current sports bras AKA the things I wear under my shirt when I run came from Academy. They were $10-$15 each. And they don't support shit. All these bras do are stuff my lady lumps into some spandex-y fabric and hold them together as I jog. They do offer a bit of bounce resistance when I run, so I'm not looking at black eyes or anything.

I went to the gym with one of my best girlfriends over spring break... So I got a good look in a full length mirror... Holy uni-boob Batman!

Another issue with these crap-tacular boobies? Boob sweat. I freakin hate boob sweat. Especially when I run. It's the nastiest feeling in the world... My current bras do nothing to wick away boob sweat. Argh.

I've had bodacious ta-tas since I was very young. I wore my first bra at the age of 7. That's 2nd grade my friends. By middle school I was a C cup. High school I was a DD. My largest size was in college at my heaviest weight. I was a 46 DDD.

One of the things I look forward to is the possibility of boob shrinkage. I don't want to lose all of them, but I would be ok with only being a D or DD. Ain't no body got time for DDD.

Spring Training and Me, Myself, and I!

Good morning my fantastic, beautiful friends! Welcome to another day inside my head. Today I'm linking up twice! Once with Katie and Kim for the Spring Training 5K Challenge and once with Breanna for the Me, Myself and I link up!

For Sprng Training... Should I first mention how excited I am that Spring is ALMOST here! I'm super excited. Spring is my absolute favorite time of year. There is nothing I love more than all the colors of a Central Texas Spring (the wildflowers, the crops, the baby animals) and you cannot beat the night sky over my house in the spring time.

I've hit a couple stumbles in my C25K journey. One big one being meniscus pain in my right knee. One day (soon I hope) I will post a picture of my gnarly looking knee. I've had 3 surgeries on it so far, and it's quite misshapen and funky looking. When I originally injured my knee in HS, one of the things that I tore was my meniscus. The other problems WAY overshadowed that injury, so we fixed the big stuff and I healed. I think my new activity level has inflamed my knee. I'm very tight and sore when walking. Usually Motrin helps, but I don't want to over do that. I'm probably going to get one of those support bands for the knee. Hopefully that will help.

The other stumble is the need for new running shoes. I've posted a picture of my current shoes, but I wasn't having any issues with them... Until Sunday... I started having pain in one of my feet while running. I think it's time for real shoes... Boo. Ain't no body got money fo dat.

On a positive note, I did manage to actually finish week one! WOOT!

 

Forewarning: Sometimes I sound a bit awkward when talking about myself. In fact, during things like these, I tend to write like I talk. Woo?

1. Do you celebrate Saint Patrick's Day? How?

Not really... I just wear my green and sport the natural ginger. Nothing else needed :)

2. It's March which means spring break! We want to know how your spring break went or if it hasn't happened yet, what will your spring break consist of?

Spring break was eventful! I think I posted about it yesterday... Lots of visiting friends, shopping and some super tasty cake. Oh and Glee. Lots and lots of Glee.

3. A Zombie Apocalypse happens and you're stripped of all your luxury items. What beauty product would you miss the most?

My Suave Lotion... It smells quite nice and I HATE having "crispy" hands.

4. What is the one cause that you feel most passionate about?

Improvement of the public education system in Texas. We are doing the youth of America such a great injustice by teaching them how to take a test. So many educational days are wasted on testing arbitrary knowlege that politicians think children should know. How's about you step down off your high horse and trade places with me in the classroom for a week. That will change your damn attitude.

5. What's the #1 most played song on your ipod?

Until next time blogosphere! Stay sane (but not too sane!).

-Sammie

Monday Morning Weigh In! And Spring Break Recap!

Good Monday morning lovlies!! I have to say that I have missed you all sosososososo much. Since I wasn't at work last week, I felt like I never had time to actually sit down in front of the computer and read, much less type a blog post. My SB2013 was NUTS! And in a totally amazing way!

The absolute highlights of my SB were definitely the weekends. The first weekend I got to go out dancing with a friend of mine for a bachelorette party. I danced my bum off. I was so insanely sore the next day! The entire lower half of my body was around the consistency of Jello. I felt like I looked pretty cute, but I think pictures tell a different story. I had my hair back most of the night, because it was too damn hot! Ugh. Sweaty messes alert below...

Left to Right: April (MOH), Michelle (Bride), my BFF Manda, and Me!

The week was spent catching up on Glee, yardwork, and cleaning. As a side job, I clean my great-grandmother's house on the weekends and I spot clean on a week night. It's not great money, but it makes the car payment!

This weekend I got to visit with one of my best girlfriends. Her mom was in Austin with her for SB2013, so I went up and spent Friday night with them. Her birthday is today, so I brought her cake and we watched Life of Pi. Then we stayed up until around 3:00am talking about books, movies, love and our lives. It may sound lame, but I honestly had a better time with her than I did dancing. We didn't really take any pictures, but I can say that we shut down a Barnes and Noble AND a Chipotle. Nom nom burrito bowl.

During the rest of the weekend, I went to church and had lunch with James. We messed around shopping for a while and I started buying stuff for the Birthday Edition of the My Favorite Things Giveaway! I'm really excited about that one :)

I did manage, during the insanity of SB to finish Week 1 of C25K!! Pretty exciting stuff! Only bad thing is that my knee is realllllly sore today. I'm pretty sure it's meniscus pain. It's a bit swollen and sore. Oh well. I'll be icing it and staying low impact.

1 week down!! WOOHOO!

Which brings me to my weigh in! I'm down another 3 pounds during my official weigh in this morning! Which brings me to a total of 23.8 pounds lost and never to be found again!

Yay for pretty toes! And a pretty number!

I've gotten to where I like to take sweaty/nasty ass/gross pictures after I get done working out. I personally think they are hilarious to look at. And quite attractive! (Please denote a high level of sarcasm). It's motivating to me to see how hard I worked during the previous 30-45 minutes. Love the red face, sweat, and panting :)

This is the face of hard work... And Death... And too much cake in a lifetime.

Until next time blogosphere! Stay sane! :)

-Sammie

Non Scale Victoies!! And an apology

First off... It's that time of week!! Time for another NSV Link Par-tay with the beautiful ladies, Lex and Katie!

What is a NSV (Non Scale Victory)? So many of us have a bit of a screwed up relationship with the scale... We let it define who we are and how we feel about ourselves. The NSV link up is a way to take the focus off of the scale and highlight some victories that may have NOTHING to do with weight loss.

This week... I celebrate beginning the C25K program! Last night I finished week 1 day 2! I got SUPER winded and considered quitting early.. Then I heard the nice lady on the app say, "You're half way there! Keep it up!"

Yeah buddy!

For those of you that asked, I track the runs on the Free C25K App! It gives me the prompts to start running, start walking, and the half way and one minute warnings. Plus I can control my iTunes without having to close the app. It's so nice!

Maroon hoodie.. Imagine!

I sent the picture above to my best friend, who is currently in grad school in Oklahoma.. He sad he could see a difference in my face! AHHHH!!! That was amazing. (I take awful pictures.. Ugh!). And this morning when I made my breakfast, my mom mentioned that she could see a difference! PEOPLE ARE NOTICING!!!!!!!! That makes me feel really good :)

Also wanted to apologize for being MIA yesterday. It was a fun filled day of yard work for me. I wasn't able to sit at my computer for more than about 5 minutes. Then the electricity went out.... Awesome.

I will be writing a post (probably this weekend) about the topic below. I had something scary happen last weekend, which absolutely proves my point. It's more mental than physical (for me anyways).

Until next time blogosphere! Stay sane :)

-Sammie

P.S. Congrats to Sara B.!! She is the lucky winner of the My Favorite Things Giveaway! Here's hoping that we might hear from her once she gets her swag in the mail! Look for another giveaway next month! April's might be bigger, since it's my birthday month! WOOHOO! :)

Giveaway Swag, Weigh In and Worries

GOOOOOOOOOOOD MONDAY MORNING!!! Ok.. That was just a tad too peppy for me.. Oops.. Sorry about that. I'm just SO EFFIN EXCITED about today's post! WOOT!

So, if you've read my last few posts, you've seen that I promised some additional awesomeness in addition to that BEAUTIFUL journal I'm giving away here. Well.. In my P.S. I promised some additional swag in the package. When I originally wrote that comment, I had no idea what I was going to toss in the box. No.Effing.Clue. So I was browsing around my local dollar store and this caught my eye.

They are around 77 cals a ball. A bit high, but a tasty treat!

LOVE THIS TUMBLER!! OMG

The only sad part is that the tumbler doesn't have a lid. Oh well. It's so cute!! I knew I had to give it away. So along with the journal, I will throw in the tumbler and the truffles. Nom nom. 

So.... Time for a weigh in.. I think I may re-weigh tomorrow, because this was actually done after my work out this morning. Oops. Yes my loves, that says I AM UNDER 270 POUNDS!!!!! That brings me to a grand total of 20.8 pounds lost for this part of my journey. It's not a whole lot, but dammit it's progress! I'm so insanely proud of myself.

-20.8 pounds total!!

Which brings me to my worries... I am 7.6 pounds down in a week. ONE WEEK. That really scares me. I'm happy with the loss,don't get me wrong... I'm just so scared of effin up my body. I'm not trying to lose fast. I eat about 2000 cals a day or a tad under. (I never have less than about 1200). I'm drinking lots of water and I stepped up my workout game last week with tiny bit of running and my elliptical time. Could the workouts be making that much of a difference? I really don't want to screw my body up.  I track EVERYTHING I eat, drink more water, and I started taking a multivitamin this morning with breakfast. 

Most everyone I've talked to says the weight comes off fast in the beginning and the workouts kicked my metabolism in the arse. I've decided to wait another week and see what happens. Here's hoping...

Happy Monday my dears!! Don't forget to enter to win the journal!! :) 

Until next time blogosphere. Stay sane!

-Sammie

Non Scale Victories! V for Victory!

Good morning my dear, sweet blogosphere! It's Thursday!! Know what that means?? Time for another Non Scale Victories Link Up! As always I'm linking up this morning with Katie and Lex!

My non scale victories for the week?? Well... #1 I've worked out TWICE this week :) AND I RAN!!! I ACTUALLY FREAKING RAN!!! This is a huge huge deal for me. As you can tell from the picture below, I didn't couldn't run for very long and I wasn't very fast (14-ish minute mile), but dammit I did it! I haven't ran since middle school. Here I am, nearly 24 and I ran. This is absolutely HUGE for me :)

Another non scale victory? I've been logging on MFP (add me!!) for 25 days as of this morning. I also haven't gone over my calories once this week! I'm pretty excited about that. I've been working my rear off. I'm not sure if anyone has noticed, but I definitely have.

Taken this morning before breakfast. Methinks its almost time to readjust the cals again.

Until next time friends :)

-Sammie


P.S. If you haven't signed up for my giveaway, go now!! I promise it won't just be the journal :) I'll throw some other (undetermined) awesomeness in the box when I mail it! You can find it here!

The Ugly..

I promised the good... I promised the bad... And I promised the ugly.. Yesterday was ugly. Quite ugly.

Breakfast: I caved... We were running late and I didn't have time to grab anything for breakfast. So up comes that big red chicken... Yes my friends.. We stopped at Chick Fil A. And I had my minis and hashbrowns. It was amaze-balls. And about 600 calories for the entire meal O_O

Lunch: I was actaully pretty good at lunch! Peanut butter between one of my Nature's Own sandwich rounds, rice chips and a Special K cereal bar. Coming in around 400 cals. Not too shabby. I love the sandwich rounds. They taste awesome! And have lots of whole grains. Nom nom.

Dinner: Oh boy... About that dinner... Mexican food.. (I had Mexican on Wednesday night too and was pretty good). I was doing ok.. Counting my chips, making sure I mentally logged everything. Then mom ordered fajita nachos with sour cream, guacamole and jalepenos. Crap. I ate aboout 1/3 of the plate. Then I lost count of my chips... Crap... Dinner came and I had tortilla soup (not too bad) and Tacos Al Carbon with corn tortillas and cilantro and onions. Freaking amazing. I have no idea how many calories dinner came out to, but with MFP I guesstimate over 1000. O_O

Seriously?

All total I was only about 80 calories over my limit for the day, which could have been fixed with a bit of exercise. However... Being at the hospital with my great-grandma until 12:30 and getting to sleep after 2 and waking up at 6am yesterday took its toll.. I was passed out and drooling by 9:30. I did manage to talk to my fiance for a little while, which I don't think was anything close to understandable. Poor guy. Luckily today I'm back to my bright eyed, well rested self.

How has the week treated you? Any ugly days thus far?

P.S.  Shout out to all my new followers and everyone that comments! I try to answer most comments personally, but sometimes I'm a bit of a dunce.

What did the five fingers say to the temptation?

That's right Chick Fil A... Your delicious, warm chicken minis called my name this morning like a siren's song. We even had an extra order in the bag. Oops. You wanted me to eat you. I know you did. Your minis and your hashbrowns too... Well guess what Chick Fil A... SLAP!

Jimmy Dean sends his best regards...

In all seriousness... This is a big deal for me. Chick Fil A is like my own personal brand of crack. I freakin love Chick Fil A. In college, one of my favorite things to eat for lunch was a Chick Fil A sammich, waffle fries and a smoothie (looking back, is it any wonder that I gained 100+ pounds?). 

This morning I made my yummy Jimmy Dean turkey sausage sammich (yes that spelling is on purpose!) and I was craving a little sweet. In the interest of time, I had some vanilla yogurt. Of course I also had my bottle of water (along with my antibiotic). My carrots, granola bars, and Special K meal bar were packed and ready. On the way to work, Mom pulls into Chick Fil A and says, "I'm starving.. What do you want?" Crap on toast. What do I want?? Well, I really want an order of those minis and a spicy chicken biscut and some hashbrowns. BUT I DIDN'T ORDER THAT!!! Instead I asked for my normal lg Coke Zero and nothing else!

Yes Mr. Murray... I'm awesome!

How have you dodged temptation recently? (Remember, celebrate the small.. Every small step leads to a big step!)

-Sammie

But what does it all mean??

Good morning everyone! Thank you all for the well wishes this weekend :) With some rest, lots of fluids, and plenty of ZZZs I'm back and in good shape! The only thing I have left of the bronchitis is a little nagging cough, but everything else is long gone.

The title of the post might be a bit confusing at first.. So I will explain here. When I ask that question, I'm referring to the number on the scale. At my urgent care appointment this weekend, I was weighed and found that I was down another 1.3 pounds! Woot! This would bring my total weight to 286.2. Not too shabby, eh?

So yesterday, I went to check on my great-grandma (she has the same crud everyone else does). For S's and G's (sh!ts and giggles for the curious) I stepped on her scale (the one I normally weigh myself on) and 281.4 popped up. Say what, chicken butt? Are you serious? How in de hell did that happen??

I will say that I didn't eat much on Satuday after my appointment. In fact, I ate less than 1200 cals. Bad llama, I know! My Fitness Pal (add me! dramallamaduck) griped at me. I just don't think that would cause a 5 POUND LOSS. That just doesn't compute in my brain. Not to mention, I sat on my kiester all day. How does that happen? I was also VERY well hydrated, so I don't think it was a loss of water.

I'm not putting much stock in that weight. Call it a fluke, faulty scales, whatever. I'll reweigh on Wednesday and see what it says. But what does it all mean? What does that little number even mean anyway? That loss completely blew my mind.

I leave you today with a fantastic picture one of my Facebook friends shared this morning. Sums up the journey quite nicely, methinks.

Until nextime blogoshpere!

-Sammie

P.S. I'm linked up today with Alex from Operation Skinny Jeans!

At My Heaviest...

Because I feel like utter CRAP today (funky stomach gurlging and headache coming from the depths of Hell itself), I'm going to keep it short, sweet, and to the point. Below you will find a picture of me at my 21st birthday party with one of my really close guy friends... Here is where I weighed in at a whopping 321 pounds. I didn't realize how bad it had gotten until my friend Natalie showed me this picture. Sad eh?

This is a picture of me now.. Awkward angle, but whatevs.. I was excited to show my friend Richard the killer deal I was getting on the jeans!

It takes a little bit of eyeballing, but I can definitely see the changes... Especially in my face.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a hot date with some Pepto and a Sprite. Adios blogosphere.

Non Scale Victories Link Up!

Hola blogosphere! Welcome to my very first link up with Katie and Lex and we are celebrating the week's non-scale victories!

The object of this link up is the celebrate something we've accomplished in the path to healthier living, wihtout focusing on that dastardly number on the scale. This can be an accomplishment in exercise, diets, or maybe just the power of positive thinking.

My victory of the week is the fact that I have managed to eat a good, healthy breakfast every day! I've had either fruit, a Special K Bar or a Jimmy Dean Delight every day. No Sonic toaster sammiches, no Chick Fil A minis, no tater tots, no Whataburger. No fast food breakfasts! And another part of the victory? Mom has been eating at home with me! I've been watching my intakes on My Fitness Pal (be my friend dramallamaduck) and I've had some not so awesome days, I've had some really good days too! Celebrate the small stuff my dear blogosphere.. Small victories, small steps, big results!

Tears in my eyes..

My dear blogosphere.. I write this to you with tears pooling in my eyes and sniffles clawing at my nose. I just read one of the nicest blog posts that I've seen in a very long time. You can find it over here at Mama Laughlin. It's a letter to a big girl that she sees at her gym.

One of the reasons I haven't yet joined a gym (aside from the obvious living in the boondocks) is that I'm deathly scared of exposing that much of myself in a public setting. Those who know me, know that I'm....busty. Like... Specialty store bra busty. It's not cute, it's obnoxiious. Of course on top of the ladies, I have lots of chunk.. 290 pounds worth of chunk...

I rarely wear shorts in public and the thought of wearing ANYTHING sleeveless or cap sleeved makes my skin crawl. When I do wear shorts to do anything resembling a workout, they are men's basketball shorts. I don't own any cute capris or workout pants, and if I did, I probably would be far too embarrassed to wear them in public. Even when I was going to Zumba, I would wear my giant shirts and baggy shorts.

I also have been stared at, whispered about and laughed at... I'm not the most graceful girl ever, in fact I'm down right clumsy. Walking for me is sometimes a challenge with the clumsy and the bum knee. When I jog it feels like my leg is going to give out and it looks completely ridiculous. I would absolutely love to run or jog. Even when walking in the neighborhood, I feel the stares and hear the giggles. It's also not funny to honk, cat call, or slow down in your car.

There's so much I actually want to do... And so little I feel able to do...

This Whole Healthy Eating Thing....

SUCKS! Seriously..

I decided to be a good girl and have the Chick Fil A fruit bowl for breakfast this morning. Sounds good, right? NOT! Holy moly... I ate breakfast around 7:30 and I'M BLOODY STARVING! Like I have a headache, my stomach hurts hungry. This can't be right.. Or am I that much of a lard ass?

I'm thinking a trip to the grocery store is in order... That way I can get snacky stuff and healthy breakfast stuff. Breakfast has become a difficult part of my day, thanks to a bombshell dropped on me this morning.. Apparently my barely over minimum wage job makes me qualified to buy my own breakfast at these expensive lovely fast food places that we eat at every morning. Yes, because I have an extra $25 a week to spend on greasy ass calorie filled breakfast fare (however I may have to set aside $10 a week for my giant sized Coke Zero habit).

Maybe we should eat breakfast at home I says, no time they says. Bleh. It's time for me to actually roll my ass out of bed at 6am (instead of snoozing my alarm) and make food that's not icky. And maybe will keep me full. And maybe it's time for a store trip for snacks that I can take to work? All I know is that if I have many more days like this, the desk I'm sitting at will not be safe from being eating...

Reflections

Reflections are dastardly little creatures. I'm not talking about introspection or reflections on life, love, blah, blah, blah.. Nope. Reflections in mirrors, reflections in windows, reflections in waxed, shiny cars that make you look and say, "who in the hell is that cow looking at me in the mirror/window/shiny car?" "Wait, that's me? Shit." Those reflections, my friends, are the objects of my wrath today.

I caught a glimpse of my reflection a couple days ago in the window of my dad's office. My immediate thought was (no censoring here), "holy shit I've gained weight. Freakin fat ass." It was a smash to the ego that I really didn't need want. I suppose I did need it. I knew that I've been eating like complete crap lately (damn you cute little Girl Scouts with your crack cookies!) and I'm not exercising... Like ever.

I haven't stepped on the scale since that doctor's appointment (which is a whole different story, dumbass MD). I really haven't wanted to and after seeing my reflection I sure as hell don't intend to anytime soon. It did however, spark a small change in me. Since I saw my reflection, I haven't eaten anymore delicious little crack cookies, I've switched my Cheetos for Baked Lays, and I'm laying off the deep fried potato-y goodness at breakfast.

Small steps sparked by a reflection. Small steps my dear blogosphere...

No Zumba = Sad Panda

No Zumba today :( Sad Panda. Our instructor had to run her son to the hospital. Thoughts and prayers go out to Oyuki and her son..

These last few days have been murder on my waistline. Testing season is upon us, and I've been coerced given the privilege of administering the STAAR test for 4th and 5th grade. Tomorrow is my last day (Thank God!), but the dealings for STAAR have thrown my schedule wayyy off. I'm at work at 0730 (normal time for normal teachers, ACE Coordinator gets in around 10) usually without time for breakfast. They serve a snack around 10am and we have lunch at 1130. Unfortunately during the test, I have nothing to do and have caught myself snacking. Also, in lieu of my bowl of Cherrios or fruit I've had Poptarts. Leaving early also means no time to make my lunch :-(. Oh!! Yesterday was my 23rd birthday, so there was cake.. Lots of tasty, icing covered, layer of fat on my ass cake.. Delightful, amazing cake.. Yum.. Needless to say, I ate more cake than necessary.

I'm dragging my James out later tonight to take a walk.. Then yoga or toning. Need to build up my Nexercise points and burn off my morning Poptarts.. I will post pictures tonight after my walk!

Day 1.. Better late than what?

Tomorrow begins day 1 of my lifetime journey to health, fitness and weight loss! My fiance and I made a deal that once all of the soda in the house is gone, we never buy anymore. I'm really excited to get started. Tomorrow morning starts with yoga and a healthy breakfast... I'm using a blog, Facebook, and Pintrest and motivation and inspiration. I need this more than anything... I yearn to look as beautiful on the outside as I feel on the inside.

I titled this post with the better late that tag because this is more of a late new years resolution. I refuse to go one more year looking like this... My goal? Below 200 pounds by December. Tomorrow I will update with my starting weight and everything I've done thus far.. Now if only I can find some different exercise classes to hit...