Quarter Century

Today is my big 2-5...

Yep, I'm 25 years old today. Holy crap. I think today is the day that I'm officially an adult. It feels so weird.

To update briefly on how things are going.... My grandma is really sick. In September she was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. In the last 2 weeks she has really gone down hill. She is no longer able to walk, her bowels are shutting down, and she's so weak. I really think the end is very near. It makes me so sad to know that I'm close to such a milestone in my life and so close to losing someone that's so important to me.

The Headaches, The Food, The Fat

The headaches... Dear sweet baby Jesus the headaches. I have had a headache constantly for the last 6 days. Not my normal everyday headache. These have been bitches. I guess I can't say constantly, because I was actually headache free yesterday until about 6pm. Then in the middle of dinner it hit.

I can't really tell anyone about the headaches. It makes me really sad when I mention the pain to Carlos. He gets this angst filled look on his face that utterly breaks my heart. He wants to help. He wants to fix things. It's his nature to sacrifice and comfort the ones he loves, so it hurts me to know that there's nothing he can do for me.

The food... Love/hate as always. Fucking Sonic. Yeah... Giving up Sonic for lent was not successful. I tried, but I wasn't able to hold on. I guess the good news is that the breakfast I eat at sonic lasts me WELL past lunch time. It's usually 4 or 5 before I still feeling a bit hungry, and then it's time for dinner. I know that's not good, but the calories in my normal breakfast are over half of my day's allowance.

The fat... Starting the new job... I gained weight. Almost all of it back. I am standing now at 275. I am really trying to find time to exercise and eat better, but my emotions and stress tend to get the best of me. I'm not proud of it.

Hi!! I'm still alive :)

Yes, yes my lovelies... I'm still here. Work has been insane hell. Have I mentioned lately that I strongly dislike my job and my supervisors? Keep on keeping on I supposed.

My lovely, lovely best friend got married last weekend :) It was such a fun wedding! The food was amaze-balls, the decor was so cute (and so her), and the dancing was the best part. I haven't danced that much in a long time.

So you know that along with being in a wedding, means pre-wedding festivities. Showers, parties, dinners, and alcohol. O.M.G. Between the cake and the rest of the amazingness, my waistline is suffering horribly.

In comes my motivation.. I saw a picture of myself in that bridesmaids dress.. O_O Holy hells bells... There are several words that come to mind and none of them are very nice. Guess it's time to get back on the wagon with everything I suppose.

In-san-it-y

With all the insanity that work has been this week, I just realized that I missed my normal Thursday link up. Oops.

Let's see.. I made a trip to Arlington this week. Good times. Work sent me to a workshop ON THE FIRST FREAKIN DAY OF SCHOOL. It was a great workshop and I learned a lot, but it put me way behind. That and work is just not good. It's actually downright awful. I won't put details down (to protect the innocent and the assholes), but it's not good. While in Arlington, I got to see my lovely best friend Brittany. We were roomies in college and have managed to stay in touch.

I have been managing to eat much healthier, and have recently discovered a love of grapefruit. It's really good! So that's usually my breakfast. Yum. I splurged last night on Applebees. It was amazing. I love the queso.. and the chicken strips.. and the booze tea. There are so many better things for me, but I didn't care.

That is the problem. If I have a bad day week, I turn to food for comfort. Fried food, sweet food, salty food.. Any food. This sounds a bit disturbing as I type it.. It doesn't sounds like I have a very healthy relationship with food..

Stress doth not a pretty waistline make...

I've had this post in the Draft category for several days now, trying to decide what kind of whimsy to enlighten my small, but relatively dedicated readership with.. Instead of imparting some random snippet of inspiration or a delicious recipe, I'm going to vent a little bit.. It may not be pretty, it may be less than coherent and it may not be classy, but dammit I need someone to just sit there and listen to me lament and complain.

For those of you that know me personally, know that James is currently without work... He was working for the school as a sub, but that's not cutting the mustard anymore. He needs something full time, preferably with benefits of some sort. It's not happening at the moment. Not at all. He's trying, but it's not happening. The burden of carrying our little 2 person household on the penance that I make monthly is taking its toll on me. I weighed myself this morning and nearly sobbed... I've gained nearly 10 pounds of weight back, thanks to the shit diet of processed crap that we are forced buy, because it's all we can afford. That and the fact that all I want to do is go to bed and sleep.. Sleep and maybe not wake up for a few days.

Between him being jobless, the stress of my job (crap on toast that's a complicated story), and the stress of being completely and utterly poor are taking it's toll on my body. My fingers peel (gross, yes) when I get stressed. The skin literally comes off my fingers in tiny, disgusting sheets. While yes, I do have an extremely mild case of eczema, it's still completely gross that my hands do that.

Don't get preachy and tell me to go for a run or go workout... Just don't.. Yes, it will make me feel better... I don't have the energy to get out of this chair, much less drag my lard around the block a time or two.

There's my rant. Wordy, snarky, and pretty depressing. Hopefully the job fairy will be kind to us soon... That would relieve some of the emptiness I feel.

July Fireworks

Stress has been my middle name for the last 2-3 weeks. Job related stress has been at the forefront of my mind, so everything (weight loss included) has been pushed to the back burner.

I weighed myself a couple mornings ago and it appears that I'm staying at a steady 271. I would like to be down to about 240 by Christmas. I know that wasn't the plan when I started this project, but alas, earwax.

Since summer is officially here, I suppose it's time to get back on the wagon. Work hasn't really calmed down, but I do have more free time now that there are no kids. I'm planning a trip to OK to see my best friend in a few weeks and I have a trip to New Orleans coming up for work. Lot's of travel, so lets see how I complete the tasks set forth.

I posted the recipe for one of my delicious spaghetti sauce recipes under the recipes tab. It's some of the best sauce I've ever made. I need to focus more on my cooking, especially now that I have time.

Me miss you long time?

Howdy howdy...

Long time no update.. Been a tad busy.. Work is royally kicking me square in the arse, and I barely have time to eat. Much less blog or workout. Yes, working out relieves stress. When you work until 2am and have to be up again at 0730, the time to workout flies directly out the window.

With school FINALLY coming to a close, I'm going to have some free time on my hands which means more workouts. Plus I'm going to re-do my living room and work on finding different work. I love my job, I really do.. But for reasons I refuse to post on the internet, I think it may be time to move on.

I have another reason for getting my lard butt back into workout mode too. I'm planning a cruise!! Fiance, me and one of my BFFs (best f*&%ing friends) are taking a cruise next August! We've gotten our savings plan in place and we're all motivated to work our asses off to look sexier than we already are. I haven't said anything about the cruise on Facebook and I probably won't. Come next August, I will be lounging in the Caribbean Sea with my 2 favorite men... CAN'T WAIT!!!