I binged...

I binged today... For the first time in a long time... I can't describe the absolute shame and embarrassment that I feel now. 

Before I realized what I was doing, I shoved a king sized snickers, twix, and a huge bag of doritos in my mouth. I really don't know why, but I did and I feel like shit about it. 

I think it has something to do with emotional eating. I'm sad today. Carlos is on a trip with a bunch of his friends to Dallas for the weekend. He doesn't have his phone with him and he didn't call me to say goodbye before he left. That made me sad... So I ate... And now I'm considering making myself throw it up. I know I shouldn't. I know that's bad. Hell I know that's bulimic... If the vomit makes the guilt and shame go away, then I don't care. 

I should not be like this. My relationship with food is pretty fucked up at the moment. Why? Why did I do this to myself? 

Hell I even had a conversation with my grandma earlier today about needed a new swimsuit for my trip to Schlitterbahn in July. I want to look awesome and feel sexy. I want to feel as sexy as Carlos thinks I am... Ugh. I need a hug. 

Three Little Words

Good evening dearest readers. I hope you're all having a wonderful Memorial Day. I know I am!

I'm writing this post for the sole purpose of sharing some exciting news :) Carlos dropped the L word today! That's right. He said, "I love you." Squeal!! 

I of course said it back. I really do believe that I'm in love with him. My life is no longer about my happiness, but his as well. His over mine. Being apart from him is like missing something important and not being sure how to function without it. You figure it out eventually, but it's not easy and it's certainly not fun. 

He doesn't like saying goodbye. He says it's too final. He prefers a "Talk to you tomorrow." Or something of that sort. I don't ever want to have a tomorrow without him in it. 

My feelings for him are so different than anything I've felt before. It's so different and so amazing and so... Real. Very real. I Knew he loved me before he actually said it. I could tell by the way he looked in my eyes, smiled at me, touched my face and kissed me. He radiates his love through his fingertips. It's so wonderful. 

Wanna know why else I love him? He's as weird as I am :)

Fluffy Friday! Pieces of Happy :)

Good morning my darlings! I am linking up during this morning's Fluffy Friday with the beautiful girl, Kenzie over at Chasing Happy! So... What is happy for me this week? Oh so much :)

>>Date night with my Carlos!

>>The Great Gatsby... Best movie adaptation of a book... EVER!

>>Getting a good 2.3 mile walk in on Wednesday night

>>My last day of having 3 jobs is... TODAY!

>>Being 100% obsessed with my new job.

Except at the end of 12 hour shifts... Yikes...

>>My dear friend Rudy has a date tonight! I'm so excited for him!

>>Planning Carlos's birthday awesomeness! I'll give my sweet readers details, but HE GETS NONE! :-p

Yep.. Taking him to Schillterbahn! Along with other various things :)

>>@psiloveyou__ on IG! They have some of the absolute sweetest pictures... Sigh

>>That funny feeling I get in my chest when I hear Carlos say my name.

I hate this picture of me... But it captured the moment perfectly...

>>That funny feeling I get in my chest when I catch myself daydreaming about my boyfriend :)

Date Recap and Exploring My Feelings.

I mentioned on Monday that I had a date on Monday night with the boyfriend. (Boyfriend!! Ahhh!! I'm still reeling over that word!) I didn't do a recap of the date yesterday, because my mind was too preoccupied by the happenings in OK and the possibility that we could be hit with similar storms.

I suppose it is time to share a recap of what has turned out to be our best date so far! I didn't take any pictures... I should have.. It was so much fun!

We started the night off meeting at the mall and buying our movie tickets. Couldn't let them sell out! Then we roamed the mall for a bit, just chatting about nothing... Holding hands, linking arms, just enjoying each other's company. I started getting hungry, so luckily we went for dinner. Cotton Patch Cafe is my ultimate go-to for date food in the mall.. The booths are intimate, the food is awesome, and the location is perfect. We both ordered chicken fried steak (I know... Bad Sammie! What I'm not telling you about is the cheese fries O_O) and spent close to an hour at our table, just talking and laughing. I learned that he was an FFA member in high school! That was enough to thoroughly impress me. (Side note: I have pet cows... I'm a country girl... FFA jackets were always super sexy to me!).

After dinner we ventured to the arcade. I'm not a gamer by any means, but I can wreck shop in some skee ball! We played several rounds of skee ball, a game of air hockey (I got beat, baaad), and I watched him play DDR (holy crap that was funny!). With all our skee ball winnings, we managed to put together about 100 tickets. Being the gentleman that he is, I got to pick the prize... So I got a glow stick. After we exhausted our wallets options at the arcade, we ventured out to his car to listen to music and make out chat. I'm also very mischievous and snapped the glow stick... It was pink... So I left it in his car :-)

Around 9:00pm we ventured back into the mall to get our seats at the movie theater. We saw The Great Gatsby. AMAZING! (I'll gush about that another time). I wound up getting home around 12:30am (on a work night!) and let me say... The exhaustion on Tuesday was WORTH IT! Totally worth it.

He's different... Very different... Not in a bad way either.. I've never had anyone touch me like he does. Like, when we were at dinner.. He reached across the table to grab my hand. I could feel something like electricity when our hands met. Or when we were walking in the mall, arms linked, my head on his shoulder. He leaned down and kissed the top of my head. I felt that kiss from the top of my head to the soles of my feet. It was a warm, electric feeling that washed over me.

I thought I knew what love felt like... I thought I knew how it was supposed to feel when someone who loves (only assuming here) you touches you. I have no doubt in my mind that he feels as strongly about me as I do for him. My stomach does full on back flips when he gives me that lopsided smile and says, "You're so pretty." For the first time I really believe it when someone tells me that. There's not a doubt in my mind that I'm cruising down the path to being IN the big L-Word (not lesbian.... TYVM). Spending one minute on the phone with him is better than spending 2 minutes in silence. I feel like it's become part of my goal in life to make him happy and I can actually acheive that by just being me.

No Hesitations...

Good morning loves! It's Tuesday, which means I normally would be posting about my 5K training. There's really nothing to say about it, other than having 3 jobs, a family, and a boyfriend I don't have time to sleep... Much less actually get to run. Friday is my last day as a sub for the year, so there is an end in sight! I think I may celebrate during the weekend with a good, long, soul cleansing walk/jog/shuffle.

I'm also sexy and I know it...

I am still planning on walking the 5K on the 1st of June! I'm really excited about it! Even if I have to work that day, I will be walking! This will be the 2nd 5K I've walked in my life. I really wanted to try and run it, but between the injurines and other setbacks, that won't be happening. Now that I'm a waitress, I can't risk hurting myself to the point of not being able to walk.

So.. Now that I've updated on my training (or lack thereof), let me get to the main point of my post... No hesitations... With so much tragedy and sadness in the world today, the last thing I ever want is to have people questioning what I think about them. When I'm gone, I want no questions left unanswered, IRL or in my blogosphere. My message for the day is this... Do NOT hesitate to tell people you love them. If you think they are the bee's knees, the cat's pajamas, the shiz or that the sun shines out of their ass, then tell them. Do not let another second go by without telling them how you feel. Carpe diem. Sieze the day AKA grab the day by the balls and have a frickin party!

Because I want this in writing, just in case something does happen... Here are some of the things I really want people to know..

Mom- You bug the shit out of me sometimes, but you are my hero. You sometimes act a lot little BSC, but I still love you. Sometimes I don't like you, but I will always love you.

Dad- Copy everything from what I told Mom, except you bug the shit out of me all the time. I do think that we are more alike, in some ways, than either of us are willing to admit.

Chuck- You have always been the smarter of the 2 of us. I really hope your brains take you far. You deserve so much out of life and I want you to know how proud I am of you. You've made something of yourself, despite our crap education. Sometimes I think you have no heart and no emotion, but you always prove me wrong. You just don't show your heart or emotion the same way I do.

Carlos- We've known each other for 2 years (or so)... I remember the last time I talked to you, before we lost contact. It was Christmas Eve 2011. I'll never forget it, because you said that I had upset you. I know why you were upset. It was justified. We lost 2 years with each other. Even back then, talking to you was the highlight of my day. Your feelings aren't unrequited, and they never were. I've absolutely 100% adored you since the day we met. I thought about you a lot after we lost touch. My adoration was repressed, but it never faded. I'm falling in love with you Carlos and I have been since we met.

I think this is where I need to stop. The 4 most important people in my world. I could write about this all day. At least now, whatever tomorrow brings, there is written record of exactly how I feel in this moment. This feels like a pretty intimate post. Sorry if it makes anyone uncomfortable...

-Sammie

Well.. I'm alive?

I made it through the weekend..

Good morning my sweet readers! I've missed you all so much! This weekend was pure CHAOS! I worked a grand total of 25 hours this weekend at Denny's, plus I had my regular work week last week, and I cleaned my great-grandma's house.. 3 jobs my loves... 3... I'm a bit tired...

I have to say, I love being a waitress! It's so much fun and the money is really good! I never would have imagined that I would enjoy it so much :) It's really exhausting though. I was asleep last night by 10pm. Carlos called around 11pm and I think I had about a 15 minute conversation with him. I don't really remember.

Speaking of Carlos.. We are going out tonight! He's finally making good on his promise to take me to see Great Gatsby :) We are also having dinner and hanging out at the mall.. It's a good half way point between our houses. I'm really excited! Plus I look absolutely adorable today! I'm wearing my new skirt from Lane Bryant and my favorite green shirt :) Maybe I'll take a picture for tomorrow?

Not much to say today.. Work has me all kinds of busy. Thankfully this is my last week at school, so I'll be down to 2 jobs, instead of 3. Yipes. I'm tired...

Good night blogosphere.. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Non Scale Victories! Back in the Saddle Again

Good morning my dears! It's Thursday! Which means it's my FAVE DAY OF THE WEEK IN THE BLOGGING WORLD!! It's time for another fantastical edition of Non-Scale Victories! And boy have I got a good one today..

Piggy backing off of my post yesterday when I mentioned my mom telling me that I'm a crabby, cranky bitch unpleaseant when I am off my game with eating. I've made a correlation between good eating habits and my moods... Good eating=nice Sammie. Bad eating=psycho bitch from hell Sammie. Lesson learned? Yep. So... My victory this week?

I'VE STARTED LOGGING AGAIN!

Seriously... If you are a MFP junkie, you should so add me (dramallamaduck)! Woot! I have found that when I log my calorie intake, I tend to eat better. Maybe it's because I really don't want to know how many calories are in my Sonic Toaster sammich.

What are your victories this week? I can't wait to read all of them!!


-Sammie

I've Been MIA...

Good morning my darling readers.. I have to say that I've missed you so! I haven't had the time to sit down and type anything, much less actually put together a blog post that has some semblance of cohesiveness. Let's just say that I've been busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest!

 For the last two days I've been in a classroom that has driven me to the edge of insanity and Spartan kicked my ass off the ledge kept me on my toes. Never in my life have I given up on a class and said, "Screw it! Let them peel the paint off the walls and eat it. Don't bloody care anymore." It was ugly. One of the periods was actually REALLY good and helped me practice my Spanish skills. I explained in broken Spanish/English that my boyfriend (HOW AWESOME IS THAT WORD?! AHHHH) is Puerto Rican and his parent's first language is Spanish. I want to be able to talk to them more, so I'm really busting it trying to learn.

I also started my new job at Denny's this weekend... Let me tell you... IT'S AWESOME!! I'm still just training, but I'm in L-O-V-E! Both of my trainers have commented that I've picked it up quick and that they are really impressed with me. Score! Finally something I'm good at! But I have to make my book look cute.. Right now it's just boring and black and I don't like it.

I have noticed that I've been eating like SHIT for the last few weeks. It came crashing down on me last night after dinner. I was bloated, miserable, and just down right crabby. Mom commented to the effect, "You were so much more pleasant to be around when you were eating right." You know what?

Reality-1 Sammie-0

It doesn't help that my lovely Auntie Flo decided to make her visit A BLOODY WEEK (no pun intended) EARLY! Bitch. No wonder I was such a joy and delight last week... She's also been wrecking havoc on one of my relationships too. (Have I mentioned that Lady Shark Week turns me into a Bat Shit Crazy heifer when I'm not on birth control?) I posted last week that my dear friend Rudy had been ignoring me... He wasn't ignoring me... Apparently he had a cold that flat put him on his ass. I finally heard from him Saturday morning and things are.... Semi-normal... Lots of crap we're still working out that has nothing to do with anything happy or fun. Mostly my bat shit crazy girl emotions getting in the way of he and I being friends. Stupid girl.

Anywho... I should be around for the remainder of the week.. Thank goodness.. Blogging is my sanity.

What IS love anyway?

I've posed this question to myself recently... What is exactly is love? What does it mean? What does it entail? How does it make me feel? When I talk about love, I'm talking about romantic love between two people. I am the first to admit that there are several different kinds of love, but today my focus is romantic love between partners.

I've been conducting a quick, messy poll amongst people I know, both in the real world and in the blogosphere, about exactly what love is and what love means to them. I've gotten a wide array responses ranging from hopeless romantic to utter cynic. My intent with this project was to try and figure out exactly what loves means to me. One of the biggest problems I've noticed is my inability to tell if I love the person or if I love the idea of the person. This is my biggest struggle. Based on the opinons I've gotten, I think I'm slowly forming my own opinion. I will give the age range, relationship status and sex of the person that gave me each answer... No names will be disclosed unless I've been given permission by the responder!

Here are some of the responses to the question, "What is love to you?"

"My answer might be a little different than most. I think that love at its most meaningful is about commitment. If you really love someone, you should be commited to them no matter what and they should be to you as well...I know this isn't the "romantic love" you asked for but it's the same with my daughter. She drives me absolutely crazy some days, but no matter what I'm always going to be there for her. That will never change. I'm committed to being her dad."

Single Man (early to mid 30s)

"Love to me is when you have found that one person you're [most] comfortable with. [You] can talk to them, makes you laugh, makes you want to pull your hair out, but you wouldn't want it any other way. Someone who you can cry in front of and they are open enough to cry in front of you."

Married Woman (mid to late 20s)

"Love is being with someone and resisting the urge to toss them in an alligator infested swamp when they piss you off or nag you before 10am, because eventually you'd miss them."

Married Woman (mid to late 40s)

"That's a hard question to answer since that's not a word I've thought about for a long time.

Single Man (mid to late 20s)

"Being willing to do anything for someone no matter how far the distance, being able to carry on a conversation even if it's just one or two words at a time, and not even having to talk but being in the same room with the person is enough to calm you and make you happy."

Single-ish Man (early to mid 20s)

"Love is not a ring, perfection or keeping with the social norm. It's making it what you BOTH want, regardless of anything anyone else says or thinks. You know you're in love when you have to figure out how to function on your own in everyday life. It's finding the way to not live and breathe only for them, but also for yourself. That's when you have something special. "
Single Woman (mid to late 20s)

"Love is laughter every. single. damn. day"
Married Woman (early to mid 40s)


"Love is....someone who brings you a half pound bag of MM's when you asked for a single serving pack cause you're watching your calories--and he doesn't really care. "
Married Woman (early to mid 40s)



"Love is a force of nature. Unlike my past relationships, the love I share with my husband just found me one day. No matter how much I commanded, demanded, and attempted to push it away, I had little to no ability to change what was happening between my husband and me upon our meeting. Love is bigger than we are. We describe it as a “magnetic force.” Married Woman (mid 30s)

From all of the answers I've gotten, I've come to the conclusion that love does have some basic elemnents. Respect, commitment, comfort and dedication. What I have seen is that no one has said that love is easy. Not only does love have practical elements, but there also seems to be some sort of magical/other worldly/cosmic powers to it.. This most clearly resonated in the last response. No matter how much she fought, she still fell in love with her husband.

The conclusion I've come to is that love is like a rollercoaster.. Scary as hell looking at it from the outside... You pick someone to sit next to that you can at least tolerate, sometimes a total stranger. You sit down and get to know your seat mate, or continue bonding if you already know them. You start to feel comfortable and then the chain starts clacking and you find yourself moving forward. Your heart races as you look to your seatmate and smile. You get to the top of the first big hill and you feel like you're flying! You go over the hill and fall at incredible speeds and get flipped and twisted and turned all around. There are peaks, valleys, gut wrenching lows, heart racing highs, twists, curves, turns and that general feeling of euphoria. You and your mate reach the end of the coaster, and get comfortable again... Then it keeps going. It's a never ending rollercoaster. The absolute ride of your life.

Saying this... I really and truly believe that I've been in love once... I also believe that I have the potential to fall again some day, maybe sooner than anyone (even myself) thinks possible.

Fluffy Friday!! Happiness is...

Top o the mornin to ya my lovelies! It's FRIDAY!! Woohoo!! For my Fluffy Friday I'm linking up with the beautiful Kenzie over at Chasing Happy! What is happiness? Well with the week I'm having, I wasn't sure it was possible... But there is so much for me to be happy about! SO MUCH! THIS POST IS SO FLUFFY!

Happiness is:

*Actually getting to teach First Aid today!

*Starting a new job on Saturday!

*My best friend is ENGAGED!! Natalie over at Beauty and Brains with Brown Eyes FINALLY got the question popped (after 4 years!). She said yes, of course! Swing by and tell her congrats!

Best post engagement shot EVER!

*Pink Lemonade Hand Sanitizer from Bath and BodyWorks (it's got glitter in it!)

It smells SO GOOD!!

*Carlos and I finally making things officially official! He's like, totally my BOYFRIEND ya'll! AHHH!!!



Aren't we adorable?



*Sweet phone calls at 6:30 in the morning from said boyfriend just to say good morning :)

*Subway turkey sandwhiches.

*@Gingerproblems on Twitter... Funniest shit EVER!

I sent this one to Carlos last night.. He's constantly teasing me about my blush!

*Blog comments.. Seriously.. Nothing makes me smile wider than a heartfelt comment..

*Suave Powder Fresh lotion... It smells like HEAVEN!

*My new Duck Dynasty shirt! It's all about Beards and Ducks Jack!



I look thinner than normal! Woohoo!





What makes you happy?

Do you have any fluff for this rainy ass Friday?

Share it with me!



Grasping At Straws... My NSV...

I feel like I'm grasping at straws trying to come up with a NSV this week. I'm stuck. I'm in a slump. I don't know how to get myself out. I ate Sonic for breakfast and I finished it... Even the Tots.. Shit.. I'm tired, I don't sleep worth a damn, I wake up 4 or 5 times in the night, I'm eating like crap, my motivation is in the crapper, and I'm pretty ready to give up...

It's a struggle like you wouldn't believe

During my walk on Monday I rolled my ankle... The roads around my house aren't the greatest ever and there is a small drop from asphalt to gravel near where I park my car. I stepped wrong and managed to trip, rolling my ankle in the process... I was ok yesterday until about 5:00pm. I was on my feet all day in work shoes (ballet flats) because my Mom's HOSA banquet was yesterday. I helped her with all the food prep and everything, so it was hectic. I'm paying for it dearly today. My ankle is KILLING me. I even took ibuprofen before I left this house this morning. I never take medicine of any kind this early in the morning.. EVER. I won't be doing any sort of exercise until my ankle stops hurting.

Maybe that can be my victory for the week? I recognize that I've hurt myself and I'm doing what I can to help it heal. Does that work? Does that even count? 

I'm injured.. I feel fat.. I feel shitty.. My confidence is in the crapper.. I'm in a TERRIBLE mood... But at least I know my limits. I recognize that doing anything on this ankle will hinder further progress, so I may as well sit back and rest some. There's my NSV for the week... Recognizing my limits in order to prevent further injury.

I'm in a terribly foul mood today... I'm beginning to think that I expect far too much from people... Guess who didn't get to talk to Carlos yesterday, AT ALL. Like no texts, nada.. I called him when I got home and didn't get an answer. I also tried to talk to my friend that I mention here sometimes that's helped me find my self confidence again... He's ignoring me... Like flat out just will not talk to me. I know he's ok because he did say yesterday that he's busy at work and he would get back to me... Guess what? He never got back to me.. Maybe I should just swear off men. Seriously. What the hell is the point when all they do is claim to care about/love/like/adore/be crazy about you and then let you down?

What the hell did I do? No clue... At this point, I don't bloody care... Screw it....

One day I'll actually stop... I hope...

On a tad happier note- If you haven't seen my post from yesterday, go here to check it out. I am working on an entry and I need feedback! HELP! Please??

Guess Who Got A Summer JOB?!

Yeaaaah.. Good morning sweet ones!! It's Wednesday! Happy Hump Day!! (snicker... Giggidy)..

I'm in an inappropriate mood this morning.. And inappropriate is a good thing! I GOT A SUMMER JOB!! Is it the ideal job? Hell no.. I was offered a job as a waitress at Denny's. Do I care that it's not an ideal job? Nope. RED HAIR DON'T CARE!! IT'S A JOB!! I'm actually really excited! (Couldn't tell huh?) I've never actually been a waitress before.. Could be an adventure? Maybe! Who cares... I'm employed and I don't have to worry about losing my car or paying my bills!

I'm working on a blog entry that I will probably schedule to post later... So a quick poll..

What does love mean to you?

What is love?

How do you know when you are in love?

If you would, PLEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEE answer in the comments or shoot me an email at peppersandonionsblog@gmail.com. Please! Do know that if you answer, I will not attach your name to your answers, but I will use direct quotes. This research is completely not sciencetific in the least and all opinons are welcome.. Some of them I've gotten so far have made me laugh my bum off. I take everything from cynical to sappy. Please let me know!!


-Sammie

Lost: Motivation. If Found, Please Return... 5K Spring Training

Goooood morning lovelies!! It's Tuesday... I'm tired... And completely unmotivated. For the last couple days I have put on my work out clothes, laced up my shoes, and have NOT gone on a walk/jog. At all. When I walk/jog, I usually do so at night.. I leave the house about 8:15pm and I'm home by 9:00pm to shower and relex.

I need to get my rear in gear, but my motivation seems to have gone AWOL. I can't find it.. I've looked everywhere. I've become complacent and I'm fighting with myself. My inner skinny girl yells at me to get off my arse and go exercise. Then my inner fat girl feeds her a cupcake and she shuts up.. It's an internal struggle and it's making me tired!

Last night I was called away on an EMS call... Poor little girl fell off a trampoline and broke her arm. It was ugly. Sunday night, I was on doggy duty while my parents went grocery shopping. I know I live in a small town where the crime rate is relatively low, but I don't like going for my runs/walks when no one is home. I exercise outside, usually after dark. I just feel safer if I can let someone know where I'm going. They know my route in case something happens and they know when I come home. Maybe a tad paranoid, but I'd much rather be safe than sorry.

I find my utter lack of motivation very frustrating. I'm also more tired than normal... Like, I'm sitting here at work trying not to fall asleep on my keyboard. I've had breakfast, I'm sipping on caffiene, and I fell asleep around 11:20 last night. Maybe I need to sleep earlier tonight. Or catch a nap on the way home. I'm so tired and its frustrating!! Maybe the time has come to pop a Benadryl and really sleep. I can't keep zombie-ing on like this...

Going back and re-reading this before I post... Dear Lord my thoughts are everywhere... The lack of sleep must be messing with my attention span.

iPhone screen shot... Squirrel!

Monday Again?

My thoughts exactly...

Good morning loves! It's another Monday... Monday, Monday (ba da ba da da). Yes... I went all Mamas and Papas on your behind. Bam. What did I do this weekend? Absolutely nothing productive... I wound up not running in the 5K, due to my leg being a butthead. I am counting down the days until I go to the doctor for my physical. Also counting the days until payday so I can get one of those foam roller thingys to massage my leg. Maybe it will help... Hopefully...

Funny story... I pulled out the scale this morning and decided that maybe since it had a week to recoup from being ralphed on by my baby girl, maybe it was working better... Nope... It did measure my weight.. Crazy thing said I weighed 354.2 pounds... Must be a flaw, so I stepped off and stepped back on... 97.6 pounds.. Neither weights are anywhere near correct! Guess it's time to turn it into a giant paper weight...

I guess I did have a little bit of a productive weekend... I got some REALLY SUPER AWESOME FANTASTIC HOLY SHITBALLS NEWS from Natalie over at Beauty and Brains with Brown Eyes!!! But I've been placed on a gag order until further notice... Heifer... SHARE THE GOOD NEWS ALREADY!! DAMMIT WOMAN!! I'M DYING OVER HERE!!!

I also went out with Carlos! Twas quite fun! We ate at a pub type place (Bleu cheese stuffed burger! OMG NOM!) and went to his house for cuddles and a movie. My joke of the day was I celebrated Cinco de Mayo by eating cheeseburgers with a Puerto Rican date :)

On my breakup with James... I just recently put it on Facebook... I've had several people ask and quite frankly, I'm tired of talking about it. Plus I would really like to move forward in my relationship with Carlos. We've had several conversations about becoming exclusive, so I see that possibly happening in the near future (insert squeals of delight and adoration here).

Yes Mr. Burns... I will be a fantastic girlfriend... Excellent..

I want to send everyone a warning as to what happens if you send me an embarrassing picture... I will post it on my blog, because I'm just that mean. I'm not really mean, per se, I just want to share how FREAKING ADORABLE my Carlos is.. And I want you to share in my snickers while I make completely inappropriate jokes about eating cherry pie... Or having his mouth full of pie... Or that blissed out look he has when he eats pie... I'm not a mean person.. I swear :) I'm just onery!!

Mouth full of pie... Giggle

Fluffly Post Friday

I think I may start a new trend... Fluffy Post Friday.. This is where I will write something fluffy and enjoyable. Hopefully funny and just overall worth reading. It will probably be overly happy, lots of !!!!!!!!!!!!s and just nice in general. After a week of stress and hardships, everyone needs a Fluffy Friday! Fluffy Friday is also where I will share good news, sappy news, and probably where I will just generally gush about the boys and the friends I have in my life :)

So... What's new on this Fluffy Friday?

I have some of the nerdiest smartest friends ever! Today is a HUGE day for 2 of my best friends in the entire world! Natalie over at Beauty and Brains with Brown Eyes is interviews with a Doctorial OT program today! If When she gets in and finishes the program, I'll have to call her Dr. Owen Tucker :) GO GET EM HEIFER! YOU GOT THIS SHIT!

We're super attractive... I know...

Then my lovely Richard (bum doesn't actually have a blog) is defending his Master's Thesis today!! He's already started the work for his PhD, but this is still HUGE for him! He was supposed to defend in December/Janurary, but his advisor is a slow ass whore bitch a little slow when it comes to getting him his revisions in a timely manner. This is the last step he has before I can officially call him Master Richard.. I could make dirty jokes with his name, but I'll resist :)

This is the only picture of just the two of us that exists! We must remedy this issue!

Last night was a really rough night for me.. As I've mentioned before, I'm an EMT and I volunteer with my local fire department. I ran a call last night that was... Scary... One my my grandma's best friends is dying of cancer... We were called to her house for a head ache.. We get there and Mom, my buddy Chris, and I are pretty sure she's having a stroke. This hit a little close to home for me, because she is my grandma's age and both of my grandparents have cancer. I was feeling down and a little sad about the circle of life. (THERE IS FLUFF COMING, PROMISE!) I sent Carlos a text message, asking him to call me on his way home from work because I needed to laugh. So he called me... Turns out, HE NEVER GOT MY TEXT! He called me on his way home from work just because he missed me and wanted to talk to me :) DAWWWW

Aren't we just adorable?

Do you have Fluffy to share? Let me know in the comments!! Maybe we can start a link up :)

-Sammie

Non Scale Victories!

"The scale can't measure your will, your drive, how much time you put into your food plan, or how many temptations you said no to. It can't tell how many old habits you broke or new, healthier habits you started. It doesn't know the effort you put in at the gym, and it doesn't care. It won't heap praise on you because you chose the stairs over the elevator or know that you passed on a slice of a colleague's birthday cake even though you wanted it with all your heart."

- Kim Bensen

I had to steal the above quote from the beautiful lady Katie, simply because it completely reflects my exact seniments with the journey that I'm on. The scale does not define you. Your beauty, your health, your worth is not determined by the number on the scale.

So what is my victory today? I'm back to my healthy breakfast ways! I got ran over by fell off the wagon when it comes to healthy breakfast during my trip to Galveston a couple weeks ago. I've been ok with lunch and struggling with portion control at dinner, but breakfast went flying out the window. I am proud to say that I've only eaten Chick Fil A once this week and every other day I've had Greek Yogurt and something else (fruit, protien bar, etc...).

I've also started cutting back on my soda intake. You and I both know that Coke Zero is crack soda to me.. Almost as back as the Caramel Delights being crack cookies... Damn you adorbable Girl Scouts and your crack cookies. Normally in the morning I'll get myself a giant Coke Zero where ever mom stops for breakfast.. Guess what's in my cup today? Diet Green Tea. Thank you Sonic!

I will admit that I tried to weigh myself on Monday morning, just to see what would happen... Wellllll... One of my dogs barfed on my scale a couple days before... It sounds icky, but it's true.. I didn't realize the extent of the damage. Needless to say, my scale is now having epileptic seizures. Awesome. Oh well!

Until next time my friends :)

-Sammie

From The Bottom Of My Heart...

I received several comments yesterday from some amazing people especially my dear Laurie and Jenn (seriously, can you ladies be my new BFFs??). I tried to answer everyone in an email or on my blog. Thank you so much for the kind words and the encouragement. I'm still undecided on whether I want to walk the 5K or not, but I'm leaning towards following through on my committment to walk and raise awareness for Cystic Fibrosis.

I feel like I should elaborate on my home situation some...

I live at home with my parents, but not by choice. I lost my full time job in November of last year and really had no choice other than to move home. I had my own apartment and paid all my own bills. I lived on my own comfortably, but I was by no means rich. Sometimes things were tight if the electric bill was higher than normal, but otherwise I was ok. James moving in with me made things tighter, but I was still getting by. Looking back, it wasn't the best idea for him to move in with me.

I have mentioned before that my parents (dad especially) and I have a bit of a strained relationship. I don't want to throw words around, but I had it pretty rough growing up. Lots of verbal and emotional turmoil and physical threats. I don't want to post details on a public forum, but if you are curious I would be happy to chat with you over email or Facebook.

My dad has always been a controlling asshat. For those of you that know me (or those that are just meeting me), you know that I'm a strong willed, stubborn as hell, defiant person that HATES to be controlled by anyone or anything but her own free will. Tell me not to do something or that I can't do something? I will probably shoot you the finger and do it anyway, just to prove that I can. I have a bit of an issue with authority... Imagine...

There hasn't really been a time in recent memory that my dad and I have gotten along really well. He controls, I roll my eyes and comply, all while talking smack from the other room. I like having my own space and time to do my own things. Even if doing my own thing entails laying on my bed and reading a book. I need my decompression time. I think this is why running/walking/jogging has been so good for me. I'm out of the house, on my own terms, decompressing from the day at hand. By the time I come back in, everyone is usually in bed or asleep. Then I can shower and relax on my own terms.

It's not that I don't appreciate my parents taking me back in... I do... Every day I thank God that they were willing to give me my bedroom back and completely rearrange their lives for me. I know they have made sacrifices for me. I'm so greatful to have them, but there comes a time when I need to be myself. I need to be Sammie... Not M&J's daughter... Not C's big sister... I need to be Sammie.

Also, to comment on falling too hard and too fast... I'm referring to Carlos... I willingly admit that I am completely crazy about him. (For the curious, he and I have known each other for about 2 years.. We met before James and I started talking). My feelings for him grow with every phone call. Things were a little shaky this weekend, simply because he had to work crap hours and I was off my meds. I took him not talking to me as a way of saying that he wasn't interested anymore, when in reality, he was just busy and exhausted (the joys of retail, eh?). He's making an effort to fix things/communicate more and I'm ok with that. I'm really trying to take things slow with him. I don't want to dive in, head first and wind up getting hurt or hurting him. I know he adores me... And to be quite honest, I adore him too.. I haven't felt this way about anyone in so long. It's new, it's exciting, but I really want it to last...