The Perils of Depression

One of the downfalls of having depression is the dependency on the pills to make your moods stable. While I can't say that stable moods are a bad thing (neither are the pills for that matter), problems tend to arise when the pills run out... Or disappear...

I haven't had my meds in several days. I left them on the headboard of my bed and the dogs had a party in my room, completely destroying any semblance of order. In short, my pills went poof. No idea where they wound up. I've torn my bedroom and the living room apart. No dice. Luckily I did find an old prescription with some pills left, so I took a dose last night...

Since I've been off my meds, my moods and eating have been off the charts terrible. I ate a brownie for breakfast today... And I don't give a blue flying fuck. I can definitely tell that my moods have been effected. Yesterday was not exactly a very happy day in Sammie land..

That amazing friend I have that I post about a lot? He and I... Well... I'm not sure... I said some things that I should have kept to myself (not bad, per se, but things that really shouldn't have been said) and I was very upset with myself after that massive confession. His reaction was exactly what I knew it would be, but it didn't make it any less sucky. So needless to say I spent a large part of last night mentally berating myself for being a TFM (total fucking moron) and crying.

My dad was also a bit of an asshat last night. I was not amused. He was very nosy and pilfering through my shit in my room. With the mood I was in, it was not a pleasant thing... I sent him SEVERAL very rude hand gestures while his back was turned. I'm not 12... Stop trying to run my life. Leave me and my shit alone.

I really can't wait to move out on my own again. I need my own space again. I miss being able to walk around my OWN house in nothin but a pair of drawers... Or sit topless on my couch and watch Doctor Who... Or let my bits air dry after a shower... Or sleep in a pair of panties... Or leave my jeans on the floor after a long ass day and not be screamed at to pick them up... Or take care of my own shit without nagging... Or not have an MF-ing cerfew... Or be able to have people stay over without making them sleep on an icky ass couch.

I'm still in a pooper of a mood today.. I suspect I will be for the rest of the weekend too. Balls... I need a stiff drink...