Wednesday, March 19, 2014

The Headaches, The Food, The Fat

The headaches... Dear sweet baby Jesus the headaches. I have had a headache constantly for the last 6 days. Not my normal everyday headache. These have been bitches. I guess I can't say constantly, because I was actually headache free yesterday until about 6pm. Then in the middle of dinner it hit.

I can't really tell anyone about the headaches. It makes me really sad when I mention the pain to Carlos. He gets this angst filled look on his face that utterly breaks my heart. He wants to help. He wants to fix things. It's his nature to sacrifice and comfort the ones he loves, so it hurts me to know that there's nothing he can do for me.

The food... Love/hate as always. Fucking Sonic. Yeah... Giving up Sonic for lent was not successful. I tried, but I wasn't able to hold on. I guess the good news is that the breakfast I eat at sonic lasts me WELL past lunch time. It's usually 4 or 5 before I still feeling a bit hungry, and then it's time for dinner. I know that's not good, but the calories in my normal breakfast are over half of my day's allowance.

The fat... Starting the new job... I gained weight. Almost all of it back. I am standing now at 275. I am really trying to find time to exercise and eat better, but my emotions and stress tend to get the best of me. I'm not proud of it.

Friday, March 14, 2014


Afternoon lovely bloggers. Long time no speak...

I'm really happy I still have my blog, because I really need to get some stuff off my chest. Hopefully I will be able to post more often. I need this outlet. 

I'm currently undergoing testing to be diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I have had 2 MRIs and a lumbar puncture this spring break. 

I have a constant headache and my lower back hurts. My toes are numb and I get random pins and  needles in my feet and hands. I have to pee constantly and sometimes I can't hold it and pee on myself. I'm 24, almost 25 and I am incontinent. 

I'm trying to fight, but I don't have the energy. I want to keep going, but I'm just tired. I want answers. I want to know why. Why me? Why this? Why now? Why can't I have some relief?

I want to be able to do cross fit, kick boxing, hell anything.