Non Scale Victories Link Up!

Hola blogosphere! Welcome to my very first link up with Katie and Lex and we are celebrating the week's non-scale victories!

The object of this link up is the celebrate something we've accomplished in the path to healthier living, wihtout focusing on that dastardly number on the scale. This can be an accomplishment in exercise, diets, or maybe just the power of positive thinking.

My victory of the week is the fact that I have managed to eat a good, healthy breakfast every day! I've had either fruit, a Special K Bar or a Jimmy Dean Delight every day. No Sonic toaster sammiches, no Chick Fil A minis, no tater tots, no Whataburger. No fast food breakfasts! And another part of the victory? Mom has been eating at home with me! I've been watching my intakes on My Fitness Pal (be my friend dramallamaduck) and I've had some not so awesome days, I've had some really good days too! Celebrate the small stuff my dear blogosphere.. Small victories, small steps, big results!

Tears in my eyes..

My dear blogosphere.. I write this to you with tears pooling in my eyes and sniffles clawing at my nose. I just read one of the nicest blog posts that I've seen in a very long time. You can find it over here at Mama Laughlin. It's a letter to a big girl that she sees at her gym.

One of the reasons I haven't yet joined a gym (aside from the obvious living in the boondocks) is that I'm deathly scared of exposing that much of myself in a public setting. Those who know me, know that I'm....busty. Like... Specialty store bra busty. It's not cute, it's obnoxiious. Of course on top of the ladies, I have lots of chunk.. 290 pounds worth of chunk...

I rarely wear shorts in public and the thought of wearing ANYTHING sleeveless or cap sleeved makes my skin crawl. When I do wear shorts to do anything resembling a workout, they are men's basketball shorts. I don't own any cute capris or workout pants, and if I did, I probably would be far too embarrassed to wear them in public. Even when I was going to Zumba, I would wear my giant shirts and baggy shorts.

I also have been stared at, whispered about and laughed at... I'm not the most graceful girl ever, in fact I'm down right clumsy. Walking for me is sometimes a challenge with the clumsy and the bum knee. When I jog it feels like my leg is going to give out and it looks completely ridiculous. I would absolutely love to run or jog. Even when walking in the neighborhood, I feel the stares and hear the giggles. It's also not funny to honk, cat call, or slow down in your car.

There's so much I actually want to do... And so little I feel able to do...

Thankful..

I think I'm starting a new thing... Thankful Tuesdays.. Do you have something you're thankful for? I know I have lots to be thankful for, even though I whine, complain and bitch about things.

So what am I thankful for?

*Encouraging words from my dear Natalie over at Beauty and Brains with Brown Eyes. We were roommates in college and have seen each other through some of our highest highs and lowest lows. She read my blog yesterday about the suck known as eating healthy and offered me some super helpful tips!

*A student came into the library this morning and asked, "Hey miss! How's my beautiful ginger doing today?" He's a sweet kid and kind words are always a good thing on a bad hair day!

*Special K meal bars.. I was really skeptical when I opened that thing this morning. How in the hell is something so small supposed to keep me full? Surprise! It works. I'm not eating the paint off the walls yet :-) And it tasted good!

Remember blogosphere... When life looks like it couldn't crap on your good shoes anymore, there is always a little something to be thankful for. What are you thankful for today?

This Whole Healthy Eating Thing....

SUCKS! Seriously..

I decided to be a good girl and have the Chick Fil A fruit bowl for breakfast this morning. Sounds good, right? NOT! Holy moly... I ate breakfast around 7:30 and I'M BLOODY STARVING! Like I have a headache, my stomach hurts hungry. This can't be right.. Or am I that much of a lard ass?

I'm thinking a trip to the grocery store is in order... That way I can get snacky stuff and healthy breakfast stuff. Breakfast has become a difficult part of my day, thanks to a bombshell dropped on me this morning.. Apparently my barely over minimum wage job makes me qualified to buy my own breakfast at these expensive lovely fast food places that we eat at every morning. Yes, because I have an extra $25 a week to spend on greasy ass calorie filled breakfast fare (however I may have to set aside $10 a week for my giant sized Coke Zero habit).

Maybe we should eat breakfast at home I says, no time they says. Bleh. It's time for me to actually roll my ass out of bed at 6am (instead of snoozing my alarm) and make food that's not icky. And maybe will keep me full. And maybe it's time for a store trip for snacks that I can take to work? All I know is that if I have many more days like this, the desk I'm sitting at will not be safe from being eating...

Books, Books, Books

As of late, I've been subbing in a high school library. One of the things that I've wanted to do is get back into reading like I used to. When I was younger (late elemetary school) I always had a book in my hand. I won numerous awards for most books read (we didn't have AR tests back then) and I often was a member of the 600 Minutes Reading Club. The 600 Minutes Club gave free tickets to Six Flags to the students that logged 600 minutes of reading time in a month's time. Even as early as 2nd grade I was able to join this club.

As I progressed into junior high I turned into your typical JH girl... Boys, clothes, friends and general pre-teen girl idiocy began to outweigh my love of reading. These habits followed me through junior high, high school, and through the first year or so of college. Then I met my dear wifey, Britt. She's not really my wife.. She was my roommate my sophomore/junior year in college. She is the absolute, ultimate book nerd. Thanks to her, I found my love of books again. It started off slow, maybe a book a month or so (I was still a college student, after all). I graduated college in May of 2010 and slipped on my reading again. I was consumed with the desire to find a job and hopefully move out of my parent's house.

Fast forward to October 2011... I am living on my own, dating a book worm and I'm slowly becoming BFFs with another bibliophile who recommends I read the Harry Potter series. I finished all 7 books in about 3 weeks. I'm back. A raging bibliomaniac with a thirst for new and exciting adventures in the form of print on pages. I have a Goodreads account that I update almost daily. Working in a library has its perks! My most recent read is Divergent by Veronica Roth. It's similar in style and genre to The Hunger Games trilogy. I love dystopian fiction!

Reflections Pt. 2

More reflections musings on my post about reflections (see what I did there?).


It's amazing the power that one reflection can have over your entire day. Reflections even have the power to alter moods. I'm not talking strictly about negative reactions, reflections can cause positive changes in mood, but only if you have the cajones to train yourself to have that positive reaction.

It's all a matter of having the courage to look at that reflection and say, "damn she fine" rather than the typical reaction of "ugh, nasty ass heifer." It takes a hell of a lot more balls to praise yourself than it does to tear yourself down.

I, personally, do not have 1/10th of the nutz it takes to look at myself and say, "heeeeey sexy lady!" Negative. Nope. I don't like looking in mirrors, or windows, or shiny cars. It's nearly unbareable for me to watch while I brush my teeth. I've also mastered the art of brushing my hair without a mirror and I do not wear make up. Why in the hell would I want to stare at myself for that long?!

This is something that I'm going to have to fix. No amount of diet and exercise can undo the self loathing that's been engrained in my psyche for years. This is something that is probably going to require professional help. Oh freaking yay...

Reflections

Reflections are dastardly little creatures. I'm not talking about introspection or reflections on life, love, blah, blah, blah.. Nope. Reflections in mirrors, reflections in windows, reflections in waxed, shiny cars that make you look and say, "who in the hell is that cow looking at me in the mirror/window/shiny car?" "Wait, that's me? Shit." Those reflections, my friends, are the objects of my wrath today.

I caught a glimpse of my reflection a couple days ago in the window of my dad's office. My immediate thought was (no censoring here), "holy shit I've gained weight. Freakin fat ass." It was a smash to the ego that I really didn't need want. I suppose I did need it. I knew that I've been eating like complete crap lately (damn you cute little Girl Scouts with your crack cookies!) and I'm not exercising... Like ever.

I haven't stepped on the scale since that doctor's appointment (which is a whole different story, dumbass MD). I really haven't wanted to and after seeing my reflection I sure as hell don't intend to anytime soon. It did however, spark a small change in me. Since I saw my reflection, I haven't eaten anymore delicious little crack cookies, I've switched my Cheetos for Baked Lays, and I'm laying off the deep fried potato-y goodness at breakfast.

Small steps sparked by a reflection. Small steps my dear blogosphere...