Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Tears in my eyes..

My dear blogosphere.. I write this to you with tears pooling in my eyes and sniffles clawing at my nose. I just read one of the nicest blog posts that I've seen in a very long time. You can find it over here at Mama Laughlin. It's a letter to a big girl that she sees at her gym.

One of the reasons I haven't yet joined a gym (aside from the obvious living in the boondocks) is that I'm deathly scared of exposing that much of myself in a public setting. Those who know me, know that I'm....busty. Like... Specialty store bra busty. It's not cute, it's obnoxiious. Of course on top of the ladies, I have lots of chunk.. 290 pounds worth of chunk...

I rarely wear shorts in public and the thought of wearing ANYTHING sleeveless or cap sleeved makes my skin crawl. When I do wear shorts to do anything resembling a workout, they are men's basketball shorts. I don't own any cute capris or workout pants, and if I did, I probably would be far too embarrassed to wear them in public. Even when I was going to Zumba, I would wear my giant shirts and baggy shorts.

I also have been stared at, whispered about and laughed at... I'm not the most graceful girl ever, in fact I'm down right clumsy. Walking for me is sometimes a challenge with the clumsy and the bum knee. When I jog it feels like my leg is going to give out and it looks completely ridiculous. I would absolutely love to run or jog. Even when walking in the neighborhood, I feel the stares and hear the giggles. It's also not funny to honk, cat call, or slow down in your car.

There's so much I actually want to do... And so little I feel able to do...


  1. Sammie, my dear girl, I'm so glad that I found your blog through the NSV linkup! I've seen that letter before and you are right; it's very powerful.

    First off you should feel comfortable in your gym, if you don't, you have to find a new one. Are there other options for you? I hate that you went through what you did :( It should not matter what you wear or what you look like when you are at the gym. You are there to get fit. But I hope it helps you to know that all of us, at one time or another have felt that way.

    In my experience, though...most people who are at the gym have no cares in the world except their own; in other words, they are there to workout and probably give NO regard to anyone else. OR, they are like Mama Laughlin and they look at us with awe. It's hard to do what we have to do, isn't it?

    I hope that that letter gives you the courage to head back there - or to even try to find your own healthy way to get fit - not everyone has to join the gym!

    Good luck and know that we are on the journey, too :)

    1. Thank you so much for the encouraging words.

      One of my major setbacks is that I live in a REALLY small town. The closest gym to me is about 20 miles away. I used to try to walk around the neighborhood, but that's where the stares came from. People in small towns are terribly cruel.

      My parents have an elliptical that I've started to use. Luckily its a judgement free place. It's not going to be easy, but it's worth it. Thanks for coming along :)