Thursday, May 30, 2013

I binged...

I binged today... For the first time in a long time... I can't describe the absolute shame and embarrassment that I feel now. 

Before I realized what I was doing, I shoved a king sized snickers, twix, and a huge bag of doritos in my mouth. I really don't know why, but I did and I feel like shit about it. 

I think it has something to do with emotional eating. I'm sad today. Carlos is on a trip with a bunch of his friends to Dallas for the weekend. He doesn't have his phone with him and he didn't call me to say goodbye before he left. That made me sad... So I ate... And now I'm considering making myself throw it up. I know I shouldn't. I know that's bad. Hell I know that's bulimic... If the vomit makes the guilt and shame go away, then I don't care. 

I should not be like this. My relationship with food is pretty fucked up at the moment. Why? Why did I do this to myself? 

Hell I even had a conversation with my grandma earlier today about needed a new swimsuit for my trip to Schlitterbahn in July. I want to look awesome and feel sexy. I want to feel as sexy as Carlos thinks I am... Ugh. I need a hug. 


  1. Girl we all have our days. Just do something productive or workout harder tomorrow to make up for it.
    It's ok girl!

  2. It is not a failure to is a failure if you don't shake it off and get back up. You can get through this!

    {BIG Hugs}

    Try to have a wonderful weekend!

  3. :( I'm so sorry you're having a bad day! I'm an emotional eater too. I get it. The best advice I have for you is the next time you're feeling sad, try going outside for a run or heading to the gym or whatever you like to do for a workout and exert the stress that way. You'll feel SO MUCH BETTER. And don't get your man being away make you sad!! You know he loves you!! Just remind yourself that he's open and honest about his feelings for you (which is NOT an easy quality to find in a guy!) and just because he's not texting you or calling you doesn't mean he's not thinking about you. Guys' minds work totally different than ours. I had to learn this lesson over the course of many relationships but once you do realize it, it's very relieving :)

    Also, since I'm a newer follower and blogger, I nominated you for a liebster award! I hope maybe this helps you feel a little better...since I wouldn't have nominated you if I didn't really like reading your blog!!! My post has the questions and shtuff.

    Have a great weekend! And feel better!

  4. I Nominated you for a Liebster Award! Check out my post and join in on the fun!!! xoxox DANI!!!

  5. We have all been there, sister! Don't beat yourself up--or throw up--it's not worth it. The one thing I know I need when I'm sad, uptight, or just in a crap mood....endorphins from exercise. I swear they cure it all. Just taking a walk will help you get past it. You've got a ton of support out here and you know my email...don't ever think twice about shooting me an email when you're feeling low. {HUGS}

  6. Hi Sammie! I'm sorry you had a bad day - I hope knowing that we are all rooting for you helps in some small way. I know the feeling you had and it sucks...I agree with the others's hard, but when you are feeling bad, even if you don't want to and it's the last thing on Earth you can even imagine doing, go for a walk...I guarantee you will not regret it. But about the binge, just forget it...don't even think another moment about it. We all have our days (and for some of us, we always will), and you just have to move on. Guilting yourself will never help you. Big hugs, friend!