Before I realized what I was doing, I shoved a king sized snickers, twix, and a huge bag of doritos in my mouth. I really don't know why, but I did and I feel like shit about it.
I think it has something to do with emotional eating. I'm sad today. Carlos is on a trip with a bunch of his friends to Dallas for the weekend. He doesn't have his phone with him and he didn't call me to say goodbye before he left. That made me sad... So I ate... And now I'm considering making myself throw it up. I know I shouldn't. I know that's bad. Hell I know that's bulimic... If the vomit makes the guilt and shame go away, then I don't care.
I should not be like this. My relationship with food is pretty fucked up at the moment. Why? Why did I do this to myself?
Hell I even had a conversation with my grandma earlier today about needed a new swimsuit for my trip to Schlitterbahn in July. I want to look awesome and feel sexy. I want to feel as sexy as Carlos thinks I am... Ugh. I need a hug.