Wednesday, March 20, 2013


I'm feeling particularly snarky today. I'm not really sure why. There are some happenings in my personal life that have me all wonky/insane in the membrane, but I'm not going to bore you with those dramatic details.

One of the things that I noticed while running last night is the source of my bitchin' post today. (And that's a "complaining" bitchin' not an "awesome" bitchin').

See? I'm dead sexy in red :)

Please Note:
Normally I love my boobs... They are pretty awesome and I can RAWK damn near anything I choose. No, I don't want to give you some. No, I don't have plenty to spare. YOU CAN'T HAVE MY TITS! Today, however, I'm not loving my ta-tas. I want them to shrink. I want to not hurt my back when I run. I want to not hear all the stupid ass black eye jokes from members of the itty bitty titty committee. I just want regular bewbs today... Just for today. This rant does not express my ongoing opinion of my body image. Just for today I'm bitchy.

Busty girls... Raise your hands high in the air. Don't wave your hands too much, you might get whiplash from the jiggles. I'm talking to you my dear busty ladies.
Why in the hell don't they make DECENT/AFFORDABLE sports bras for the chest-tacular masses ::snort::. (Be prepared for plenty of puns!)

I'm sorry... I'm poor... Broke as a joke on crack... My current sports bras AKA the things I wear under my shirt when I run came from Academy. They were $10-$15 each. And they don't support shit. All these bras do are stuff my lady lumps into some spandex-y fabric and hold them together as I jog. They do offer a bit of bounce resistance when I run, so I'm not looking at black eyes or anything.

I went to the gym with one of my best girlfriends over spring break... So I got a good look in a full length mirror... Holy uni-boob Batman!

Another issue with these crap-tacular boobies? Boob sweat. I freakin hate boob sweat. Especially when I run. It's the nastiest feeling in the world... My current bras do nothing to wick away boob sweat. Argh.

I've had bodacious ta-tas since I was very young. I wore my first bra at the age of 7. That's 2nd grade my friends. By middle school I was a C cup. High school I was a DD. My largest size was in college at my heaviest weight. I was a 46 DDD.

One of the things I look forward to is the possibility of boob shrinkage. I don't want to lose all of them, but I would be ok with only being a D or DD. Ain't no body got time for DDD.


  1. Oh, Sammie you crack me up! I cannot relate as I'm only, sadly, shockingly, a C and probably more honestly, a B :( But I have heard from many chesty friends who are in your same predicament. Thanks for the laugh, although I can offer no help - unless you need someone to lean on, then I'm your gal!

    1. Thanks! I know that so many people are so serious and focused on weight. We all need some comedy every once in a while! If I said half the stuff I was thinking, I would either make people laugh a lot or offend them to the point of wanting to throw rocks at me!

  2. From a proud member of the itty, bitty, titty committee, here you go:

    I'm sure they have something for you.

  3. Haha! I so understand! I wear an old bra without underwire, that should have been thrown out long ago, plus a sports bra that is a size too small just to keep them under control. I've tried some of the more expensive ones on but usually get all tangled in them seriously! I don't want to spend $50 bucks for one when I HOPE to be a size smaller soon. It's crazy that they are so expensive!