Saturday, March 23, 2013

It's all in your head!

It's all in me 'ead! IT'S ALL IN ME 'EAD!!!

Ok... So I don't have the awesome accent to say it like the cute little farmer guy on Chicken Run. Oh well. I promised a post about this topic last weekend, and let's just say that life happened.

I have a bit of a....quirky..... relationship with food. It's not as terrible as some stories I've read, but it's not super healthy. Like most girls women I know, I get the typical cravings when my Aunt Irma is coming to visit (along with water retention and at least one zit somewhere on my face).

When I was growing up, I was taught to clean my plate. Eat all the food on my plate, because there are starving children all over the world who would kill to eat like you do. I was also taught that it's quite rude to turn anything down that is offered to you. "Oh! You want me to eat this cake and that ice cream and then pizza as a snack?! OK!"

This is still a mindset that I struggle with.... To.This.Day. I no longer feel bad turning food down from people. Shockingly enough, people won't like you any less for saying no thanks to cupcakes. Who knew?! Leaving food on my plate or the table, however, is an entirely different story.

Pizza (along with Chick Fil A) is my complete undoing... Pizza more so than the other... I love pizza. I could eat pizza daily, 3 times a day. Pizza is the food of the gods... NOM NOM NOM.

I had something really scary happen to me a couple weekends ago. James and I went to Pizza Hut for dinner on a Sunday evening. We ordered a medium thin crust meat lovers and a small order of cheese bread. We both ate 2 peices of cheese bread and 2 slices of pizza... Leaving half the pizza to be put in a box and taken home. We were both satisfied at this point and decided that we wouldn't be eating anymore. We sat there sipping water and something very scary happened to me..

I wanted to finish the pizza... At one point in my life, I would have finished the pizza. I told myself, "No.. This is just a craving. You aren't really hungry. Do not eat the pizza." I broke out into a cold sweat, my heart starting racing and I started hyperventilating. I had a freakin panic attack over not finishing the pizza.

I've had panic attacks before.. I'm not stranger to them. But let me tell you.... That one was by far the scariest for me. I've never had a panic attack over denying myself food. I didn't need it! I wasn't hungry! Yeah... Tell that to my hyperactive brain...

Then another day this week, Mom and I brought home Papa Murphy's pizza.. I was good and ate 3 pieces and stopped... But I could NOT put it away. I'm the person that puts food away and sneaks bites off the spoon or whatever while I'm taking care of the leftovers. Thankfully Mom saw that I was struggling and put the food away without help.

The biggest part of my struggle with my weight is all in my head. It's a mental game. I have to outsmart myself and not give in to the random cravings I have.

It's all in me 'ead... It's all in me 'ead..

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