Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Nothing Really Matters... Or Does It?

I'm sitting here at my computer at work... And I'm stuck..
What the hell am I going to talk about today?
Does anyone really even want to read about what I have to say?
Am I deluding myself into thinking that people care more about my opinions than they really do?
Why in the hell am I even keeping this blog?
What the hell is the point of me being here?
Does anyone actually read this damn thing?

Yep.. This exactly.
 Most of this, dear blogosphere, is the result of my daily battle with depression. Yes, the meds make it better, but there are still lots of inner struggles that I need to overcome in order to make it to Funky. Self doubt is one of the biggest hurdles I'm struggling with at the point. I have this nasty habit of thinking that I mean more to people than I really do. Call it ego, call it hope. Who knows. Then when People don't respond like I think they will, I get down and feel ready to give up. If no one responds, the majority must be right. I must really suck as much as they think I do.

I tend to base my self worth on whether people like me or not. And I gauge how much people like me on the most ridiculous and arbitrary things. I'm a terribly insecure person and I know that this is something that is fueled by my wonderful seratonin imbalance.

If only I can remember this

Don't worry... I'm not actually going anywhere. And I know that some people read the blog and others don't. I'm not so narcassitic to think that I'm everyone's favorite blogger. I'm just feeling a tad whiney today. Mom and I had a particularly difficult conversation this morning about my bio father which put a bit of a damper on my mood.

Until next time blogosphere, stay sane.


P.S. If you haven't signed up for my giveaway, go now!! I promise it won't just be the journal :) I'll throw some other (undetermined) awesomeness in the box when I mail it! You can find it here!

1 comment:

  1. I feel the same way about my blog as you do. Some days, I have nothing to say. Other days I have so much to say. I always wonder how people can come up with things to blog about. I have ideas, but am not ever sure if they are worth reading. But, I like the idea of writing for myself as a journal type thing. Best of luck to you! And keep on blogging!