What do you want? How can I help you? What is it that you need? These are questions that I ask myself on a daily basis. What do you want for breakfast? What do you need to make your job easier? What do you want out of life?
That's the question of the decade.
This is a question that my best friend, Ellie, and I discussed last night. For the sake of her privacy I won't say what she wants. Some Most of the stuff is pretty private and her business to let the world in on. What I will talk about, however, is my stuff.. What I want with my life.
When I started this blog, it was supposed to be nothing but happy weight loss festivities. Then it evolved into something more than that. This blog is as close to being me as you can get without actually touching me. I don't hide anything, and if I'm uncomfortable discussing something I'll say so. Likely if this happens, I will open up about it on a later date. When being honest with myself, it means being honest on the blog as well. I've made some amazing self discoveries while typing in this little box and clicking publish so that the world can see what I think. This is one of those serious, self discovery posts.
Like I've said a freakin billion several times before... Chunky isn't a body shape for me, it's a state of mind. The journey from Chunky to Funky is more about transforming my mind and spirit than transforming my body... Yes, weight will be lost. Yes, health will be gained. I want, more than anything to feel better about myself as a person, no matter my size. I love the NSV and Spring Training Link Ups, because they focus on something more than weight. Funky is healthy, happy, and peaceful. Funky is what I want to be. Happy with myself, happy with others, happy with life.
For once in my life...
Getting back to what I want... Ellie and I were talking about what exactly we want with our futures. We are around the same age (me= nearly 24 her= newly 27) and both kind of stuck in a rut. She's made the recent discovery that she HATES her career and I can't get mine to actually start. We both recently broke up with our fiances and we are both looking very closely at graduate school (for the same thing, no less). We are both open to the idea of being single, but I do eventually want to find a relationship. I'm talking to a very dear friend of mine at the moment, and we've discussed the possibility of pursuing something more than friendship. It's just not time for that at the moment. I want to be single and have my head clear. Thankfully he's completely ok with that. We also live 2.5 hours apart. Damn you distance.
In the grand scheme of things.. I know that these are some of the things that I want:
I want to eventually spend the rest of my life with someone.
I want a person to be my significant other that isn't crazy (like bad crazy), clingy, or with mommy issues. I want to be your girlfriend/wife, not your mother.
I want to go to graduate school. Books are my thing. Time to make them a career. Masters in Library Science, here I come!
I want to experiment with my likes and dislikes when it comes to... Well... BOW CHICKA WOW WOW.. If you are curious, no I'm not sexually confused.. I'm as straight as the pole your momma dances on, I just have very limited experience when it comes to things...
I want to travel. Like... Haul my ass to Europe and all over the States... There's so much I've never seen.
I don't want to plan a stupid wedding. The thought of myself in a poofy white dress and my best friends as cookie cutter bridesmaids makes me a little... Queasy... If I find the person I'm supposed to marry, then he and I will go to Vegas... No plans for me thanks...
I don't know a whole lot about my future... It's all very fuzzy to me at the moment, but amongst the fuzzy is brightness. My future is so bright, I gotta wear shades...