Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Countdown to 5K.. Holy Crap.. Spring Training...


Without thinking about what I was doing, I volunteered to walk in the Great Strides 5K here in Austin.. This 5K benefits the Cystic Fibrosis Foundation. I was originally supposed to walk with one of my students and Carlos, but both had crap come up. I asked Ellie to walk with me, but she's working on moving into a bigger apartment and has to make a trip to Texas City. My student is taking her SAT that day and Carlos was scheduled to work. Whomp whomp. Looks like I'll be hoofing it all by myself.

This is way ahead of the June 1st schedule I've been following and I'm seriously considering backing out. I don't want to walk by myself. I love the idea of 5Ks, but they're not too terribly much fun if you walk them by yourself. Normally I train by myself, but I want to actually compete with someone.

What say you blogosphere? Should I still go and walk in the 5K? I didn't pay any money to enter and I haven't really raised any money either. Nothing would be lost if I did not go, I'm just being whiney and don't want to go it alone. Additionally- If any of you beauties live in the Austin area and want to represent CHS HOSA with me, let me know! I would love the company and I can send you the link to sign up :)

I guess one of the good things that has happened is I finally got myself some new shoes. They are so amazingly comfortable. I haven't had a chance to run in them yet, but I feel that happening tonight! I haven't gone on a good walk or run in what feels like forever. I even dowloaded some new music from iTunes this morning to get me pumped up for tonight.

Aren't they amazing?! AND SO PINK!!
I'm struggling right now. Struggling with eating right... Stuggling with exercise... Struggling with my emotions and the lack of medication... Struggling with expecting too much from certain people in my life... Struggling with letting myself fall far too hard and far too fast... Struggling with the fact that I'm 24, I live with my parents, I'm in debt to my eyeballs and I'm constantly treated like I'm an idiot 12 year old. I'm so tired of being talked down to by my father. I want to move out, so bad.. I know it would be a dumb financial decision, but my mental health is worth something. The mental BS that I put up with on a daily basis drives me up the wall.

Does this mean I can move out? Please?

I'm an emotional mess as of late. I feel lonely. Very lonely. I wound up crying myself to sleep last night after I got off the phone with Carlos because I was just lonely. This Prozac really needs to build back up in my system. I'm sick of being a crying, depressed mess. This is so not attractive.

Any advice for a dumb 20-something just trying to get by?



  1. Sammie! I wish I was there with you now, for so many reasons: to do that 5K with you and to just hold your hand or give life the finger with you :( I know that it doesn't help for people to say this, but your life is just beginning, and I get to say that cuz, I'm almost 20 years older than you, so listen up ;) You are young and even though this time succckkss, better days are most certainly ahead. As far as falling too hard, too fast...if you aren't open to finding the person you're meant to be with, stop looking. And what I mean is that love comes in so many different shapes & sizes, and is amazing...it's terrible to be hurt, but it's even more terrible to never let yourself fall for someone! Just follow your heart :) Maybe you hate my feel-good schmoopy message but I want you to know you are heard and you matter and you have friends even if they are far away - hoping your days start to get easier! :)

  2. Do the 5K! It will give you something to feel so good about. Put those new shoes on, turn up that new music and prepare to meet your endorphins. :) I'm sorry things are tough right now. Good for you for being honest with yourself and recording it all here. It will be so good to look back on this in the future and see how far you've come.

  3. I say do it! Can you talk any friends into walking with you? I wish we were closer and I'd join you!

  4. If it were me, and I committed, I would do it anyhow. The shoes are perfect! They are just ready to be used!

    My son, he is 24 and still lives at home. He probably can relate to your situation. It is really hard when you have an adult child that is still home, because you are used to being the parents. But he also realizes that he's not ready to make it on his own. We really try to be balanced. Communication is key for our family.

    I hope things get better for you!
    Happy Wednesday!

    Notions from Nonny

  5. I lived at home in my 20's. I can't even remember how old I was when I did finally move out, but I didn't have a decent job to live on my own until I was 27, so I am sure that I didn't leave the nest until 26 or so. Stay there as long as they will let you! Being an independent adult is SO over-rated!! I think I've been struggling with wanting to make all the right choices lately. Don't beat yourself up, just do the best you can. Give yourself a day off from everything and see if that helps you get back on track. Things will get better!!
    Lulu and Daisy

    1. I do hope things get better.. I guess my problem is that a little less than a year ago, I was an independent adult... Now I'm not.. It sucks ass.

  6. Sweet Sammie, I know your emotionally state all too well. Having been a very independent woman as a teen, having to pack up and move in with my parents for 6 months was incredibly hard at age 30 with 2 kids. I felt like a failure. Like I had regressed. Like I was going backwards in life.

    When I look back on that time, I deem it a good decision. It was relatively healing for both myself and my children, after having experienced a very unhealthy divorce.

    Personally, just be thankful to have your family there for you. And don't be so hard on yourself. No matter our age, we all hit bumps and sometimes travel rough roads in life. Look at this opportunity as just that...an opportunity to mend what needs mending. Some people aren't as fortunate to have helping, loving families to pick us back up when we need it.